Don't let your spouse see this story.
It is, after all, a list of the best hotels to carry out an affair.
These are hotels with thick walls, a discreet staff, a bit of romance and maybe even a heart-shaped Jacuzzi.
We aren't suggesting in any way that you should go out and ignore your marital vows. In fact, these hostelries would also be fine places to spice up your love life with your significant other, too. And sometimes it is just fun for a couple to pretend to be sneaking around.
"Despite what Hollywood would have you believe, an affair is often about romance. Not everybody wants to check into a seedy motel," said Noel Biderman, president of AshleyMadison.com, a matchmaking site for would-be cheaters. "Some people do want to have a vista, beauty."
Biderman said people should look for hotels giving guests the opportunity to check in under a name different than the one on your credit card. That way, staff can go around referring to you by name but not disclosing your real identity.
Hotels should also have plenty of amenities including good room service. You would hate to have to leave your love nest when things are, shall we say, getting interesting.
Peninsula Beverly Hills
"What comes to mind is a place like the Peninsula where their level of service is beyond reproach," Biderman said. "If you stay for example at the Peninsula in L.A. They almost have these private residences that are sort of outside the hotel. If it was me and I was choosing a location in the greater city of Los Angeles, that would be the first thing that comes to my mind."
Biderman noted that an otherwise fine choice likeShutters on the Beach, in Santa Monica, Calif., has great service, views and amenities but keep in mind it is populated with notable celebrities and therefore paparazzi.
"You might run into someone you know," he said. "Boutique hotels, hotels that are new or off the beaten path, that makes sense to me."
Tony DeLorenzo, a private detective who co-founded infidelity.com, said that hotel choice really depends on the size of your checkbook and what type of relationship you are looking for.
"I don't think the hotel really matters. If a person is a poor person, they will go to the pay-by-the-hour one that's $40 for four hours. If you are a wealthy person, it depends," DeLorenzo said.
If it is for a girlfriend, "you might go to a nicer hotel because you want to have dinner, maybe a drink first and then go to the room," he said. "If you're just doing it purely for sex, you will just go to any hotel."
DeLorenzo said his job is hardest at Las Vegas hotels and some of the top-tier luxury brands such as the Ritz Carlton.
"You can't sit in the lobby too long without somebody coming over to you every 20 minutes asking: 'What can I do for you? How can I help you out?' It's just because of their service," he said. "The minute you stay in the lobby or roam around, they question you."
Marrakech Hideaway: Amanjena
To really disappear from the crowds consider the Amanjena hotel, part of the Amanresorts chain of unique romantic luxury resorts.
Set a little outside the center of Marrakech -- where one is unlikely to be spotted in the hustle-bustle of the souks -- it is an oasis of tranquility and privacy. The Amanjena's 32 private pavilions are spacious and eight come with private pools.
The resort even promotes that its wood-burning sunken fires appeal to primal desires.
"Go to that A-level hotel. Do something different because that's why you are having this liaison," Biderman said. "You are trying to reinvigorate yourself and your life. You are trying to change your life. So spoil yourself and go for the best of the best. It might seem like a fairly daunting bill, but it will be some of the best money you've ever spent."
Nothing says love like Italy and when having an encounter in Rome consider spoiling yourself at a former palace located at the top of the Spanish Steps.
The Il Palazzetto hotel is a spectacular hideaway in the very heart of Rome. Built in the 1500s, Il Palazzetto was for many years the retreat of a noble Roman family. The building was eventually abandoned and it wasn't until 1999 purchased and after three years of renovations was transformed into a hotel, breathing new life into an old building. Maybe it can breathe new life into you sex life too.
Il Palazzetto offers four exclusively furnished boutique hotel rooms located on the 3rd and 4th floors, three of which overlook the Spanish Steps. Their simple yet luxurious cream-colored hues with accents of velvet and satin offer guests maximum comfort along with the sensation of being in their own private residence.
But not everybody can jet around the world for love. But don't just pick any old hotel.
"Maybe you should be more selective than just checking in to the Marriott where the conference occurs," Biderman advises.
&Beyond Mnemba Island
Nothing can rekindle the romance like staying at a private island resort where the dawn is greeted by dove song and the smell of coconut bread baking in a woodstove. At the &Beyond Mnemba Island off the northeastern tip of Zanzibar, there are just 10 rooms, rustic but luxurious palm-frond bandas, tucked in a tropical forest fringed by a white coral sand beach.
Even the turtles notice the island's romantic side, coming ashore to lay their eggs on its beaches.
To help build that bond between you and your partner, there are plenty of activities outside of your hut. Maybe a little swimming, bird watching, kayaking, snorkeling, windsurfing, fly fishing, swimming with dolphins or some scuba diving. Then before you disappear back to your own room, consider getting a relaxing massage.
The resort might only be 20 minutes by boat from Zanzibar but it will feel days away from reality; perfect for your fantasy.
1870 Banana Courtyard
For something a bit more historic, consider the 1870 Banana Courtyard for your rendezvous. It was once a bordello catering to society's elite.
The 1870 Banana Courtyard sits in the center of New Orleans and the French Quarter. Sure it might be near all the sites but the French Quarter is also one of the most romantic areas of the country.
The city itself is a very romantic spot with tree-lined streets, beautiful and grand mansions and individual Southern architecture. Long recognized as a destination for couples, the smooth jazz music, wonderful cozy restaurants and evening entertainment make the Creole capital the perfect place for your romantic getaway.
There are a number of hotels that cater to couples' privacy with extensive suites and top-notch service and packages. The 1870 Banana Courtyard and dozens of other romantic bed and breakfasts feel secluded and very personal for couples taking a quick romantic getaway or a longer trip.
But generally speaking, the more secluded the hotel, the better, if you want to sneak around -- or just act like it.
DeLorenzo, the private investigator, said his team recently did surveillance at the Ritz Carlton South Beach and the Loews South Beach and ended up getting hotel rooms in both so they could roam around.
"Their service is to make sure that everyone is having a good time. So any time they see someone sitting alone or waiting, they ask what they can do for you," he said.
His investigators even dressed up in bathing suits and towels.
"We just mingled right in," DeLorenzo said. "There's no one that we cannot catch."