Dr. William Petit, the sole survivor in the home invasion that left his wife and two daughters dead, said today he has considered suicide many times because he is living in a "universe he doesn't want to be in."
"I seriously considered suicide may times. I have no wife, no children, no home and no interest in life in general," Petit said. "My wife was raped and strangled in her own home. Hayley and Michaela died alone in the only home they had never known."
Petit's heartrending statement was one of several made today by relatives of the family brutally murdered during a 2007 home invasion, bringing a packed Connecticut courtroom to tears as convicted killer Steven Hayes stared straight ahead, awaiting his sentence of death.
In his own statement, Hayes expressed remorse to the Petit family.
For Petit, however, "The impact of these crimes is like a bomb going off in your house. I shudder and feel a cold sweat and realize for the 100 thousandth time what happened."
Petit, sobbing, spoke of his sadness that daughter Hayley, who was 17 when she was killed, never fell in love.
"She never got to love someone for a long time," he said. "She had a friend, who was a boy ... he would call on Sunday night and she would jump up and play basketball. That's what they did.
"She loved it and probably loved him," he said. "Hayley was a good, kind and gentle soul. Her potential will never be known. There are few people like her and she was ripped away from the sanctuary of her own home.
"We were robbed of this in a heinous, evil manner over what? Money," Petit said.
Speaking of Hayes and his co-defendant, Johsua Komisarjevsky, Petit said, "They were unspeakably violent and cruel.
"I lost my past and my future, they caused their own personal holocaust. All I can do is do the best to honor the lives of my family," he said.
Hayes spoke for the first time during his trial. "Words can never express what I have done," he said. "People will say I'm saying sorry because I got caught, but I'm sorry for the pain I have caused.
"My actions that night were my own," he said. "I stand before the court as Steven Hayes, convicted murderer. This is not the real Steven Hayes.
"I make no excuses but this is not the real me, this is a monster so full of rage I was impossible to control," he said. "I was an out of control train destined to crash ... the death I wanted was my own.
"I am tormented and have nightmares about what happened in that house," Hayes said. "I look at Dr. Petit and think about what he went through. Not a day goes by it does not weigh on my conscience.
"Death for me will be welcome relief and will bring peace and comfort to those I hurt," he said.
When Hayes finished speaking, Judge Jon C. Blue formally sentenced him to death.
"It is now my sad duty ... you have had a fair trial ... you shall suffer death--may God have mercy on your soul," said Blue.
In a videotaped statement played to the courtroom, Cynthia Hawke-Renn, the sister of Jennifer-Hawke Petit, who was killed alongside her two daughters Hayley and Michaela, said Hayes took away "the joy from every single day."
"Last night I had the repeated nightmare that I am Hayley struggling in flames and smoke," said Hawke-Renn. "With palpitations I awaken, left to wonder how does this nightmare ever end."
"I used to have trust and faith in humanity and you have taken that from me," she said. "You did not have to murder or rape any of them."