My mom on money: Speak up at work

One of my favorite anecdotes on negotiating is about a woman who stood up to a boss who kept making promises of raises he didn’t keep. The heroine? My mom.

When I was a kid, she managed a popular children’s wear store in Miami owned by her uncle. After working at the store for years, she finally got the courage to ask for a much-deserved raise. Her uncle promised to make it happen.

Weeks and weeks went by and her paycheck remained the same, even as her patience wore thin. A couple months later, she asked him what was taking so long. His response: “Don’t worry. Slowly but surely you’ll get an increase.”

Even though she’s not one to make waves or engage in confrontation, that response didn’t sit well with my mom.  Always quick on her feet, she said, “I’d like to see a lot less slowly and a lot more surely.”  Go mom! It worked.

NEGOTIATE AS IF IT WERE FOR A FRIEND. Women are awesome when it comes to asking people to make donations to charity. Women have no trouble haggling at a flea market or demanding the best for their kids, but it’s often a different story when it comes to taking care of themselves. If that sounds like you, then pretend you're speaking up for the person you care most about in the world, and you’re likely to do an effective job.

LEAVE YOUR FEELINGS AT THE DOOR. Women often shy away from negotiating because they don't want someone to dislike them. They worry that their future employer will think, "Oh, she hasn't even started yet, and she's already demanding things."

Negotiating salary isn't about being well liked or disliked. It's about speaking up to receive fair compensation based on the position you're being asked to perform. It's not about popularity; it's about performance. Focus on the professional, not the personal.

You won't lose a job offer because you negotiate fairly. Clearly, if you make outrageous demands that are unrealistic based on what you bring to the position, or you’re not sensitive to today’s economic realities, you may risk losing it. This is where research is invaluable.

DON’T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER. If the boss won’t give you more money, especially during a recession, consult your priority list and try to get something else important to you. Working from home, extra vacation days, a title, more responsibility – get something from that meeting, even if it’s only a promise to revisit the situation. Ask what you need to do to get that raise and establish a mutually agreeable timeframe for achieving it.

NEVER LEAVE EMPTY HANDED. If the answer is still a firm no, ask what you must do or what must happen to turn it into a yes.  Perhaps you’ll have to wait three months or you have to land a new client.

Ultimately, you will land an offer that you’re comfortable accepting and when you do, take a moment to celebrate. Reflect on how far you’ve come to get to this point and truly savor your victory. And take an extra moment to leave a comment here or send me a message via Women For Hire so I can cheer for you, too.

*Excerpted from Fired to Hired: Bouncing Back From Job Loss to Get to Work Right Now by Tory Johnson.  Visit WomenForHire.com for advice on job searching and career advancement and talk to Tory at Twitter.com/ToryJohnson.