"Green Mile" actor Doug Hutchinson can barely keeps his hands off his 17-year-old bride Courtney Stodden, but he sits idly by while "Seinfeld" actor Jason Alexander gropes Stodden.
It's all for the new "Funny or Die" video, in which Alexander plays smarmy, toupee-wearing talk show host Donny Clay.
Parodying television personalities Dr. Phil and Dr. Drew, Clay urges the newlyweds to ignore the judgment of others who say their relationship is inappropriate. Hutchinson, 51, married Stodden when she was 16.
To assess Stodden's love for her husband, Clay puts his iPhone on her bikini-clad bosoms while snapping pictures, explaining, " I am going to use this to find out what is the quality of your heart."
Rubbing her left breast with the phone, Clay says, "That's great, I am getting a lot. Are you getting anything?"
When she looks confused, Clay holds the phone next to her head and says, " I am not getting anything here," before returning it to her chest and exclaiming, "But I've got full bars here!"
Alexander's Clay also asks Hutchinson to declare why he loves Stodden. But when he says his teen bride "captured my heart," Clay interrupts him and suggests more carnal reasons.
Stodden plays along, throwing back her head, squealing with excitement and pushing up her ample chest. When she complains to Clay, "I put on the sexiest lingerie at night and I just lie in bed and he's on the computer with his emails," the mock talk host slaps Hutchinson repeatedly.
Then he invites Stodden to return to the show - solo - after she turns 18.