Jessica Simpson Says When Her Water Breaks, 'It Will Be Like a Fire Hydrant'

Credit: Randy Holmes/ABC.

Jessica Simpson's at it again, painting grotesque and garish pictures of her impending delivery for anyone adventurous enough to wonder (still) what pregnancy's like in her world.

On Monday's "Jimmy Kimmel Live!," Simpson, 31, described her current physical state: "I feel like I have a bowling ball sitting on my hoo-ha! Apparently I have a lot of amniotic fluid, so whenever my water breaks it will be like a fire hydrant!"

Lovely. Let's remember some of the other juicy tidbits the singer and reality TV personality has shared about her with-child-ness:

1. Her pedal to the metal sex drive: "I am definitely feeling 'intimate,'" Simpson told " On Air with Ryan Seacrest." "I'm kind of unstoppable at the moment! Like the big 'O' is like the biggest 'O' ever."

2. Posing naked on the cover of  Elle was her idea: "They didn't even ask me to do that," she told Seacrest. "I just booked the cover for Elle and it was my idea. It kind of just seemed like a natural thing for me to do."

3. Her new nickname: "I just started calling myself 'Swamp A**,'" she told Jay Leno. "Like, I have swamp a** right now. I had major swamp a** because I was wearing these Spanx to hold in my gut… It's like the bayou up in that [region]."

4. She's waiting to marry fiance Eric Johnson so she can wear 'the pretty gown:' "I want him to be my husband so bad," she told Leno. "I do still want to wear the pretty gown, so I have to wait."

5. She likes her sandwiches like she likes her tequila: "This week it's peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, toasted," she said on the Dec. 12 edition of "Rachael Ray," according to  Us Weekly. "And then, I'll put some salt on my hand like I'm taking a tequila shot and then take a bite of the sandwich."

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