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Using her trademark humor, Ellen DeGeneres shot down rumors that she and spouse Portia de Rossi are on the rocks.

DeGeneres addressed the tabloid reports during a hilarious monologue on her daytime talk show.

"The other day I'm at the hair salon getting these extensions," the 55-year-old comedian joked. "And there's tabloids all over the hair salon - that's where they are, I guess. All of a sudden I notice one sitting on the counter in front of me [and] it caught my eye because Portia and I were in the top right-hand corner and I thought, 'Oh, that's sweet, they're honoring us.'

"And then I read the headline underneath and it said 'Ellen and Portia's Marriage Crumbles.' I was like, 'Oh, what happened? They seemed so happy," DeGeneres continued.

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Though she said she never reads the tabloids because "I don't like letting that energy in," she decided to check it out.

Flipping through the magazine, she realized there was a page missing.

"The only page torn out was my story," she said. "I will never know what's tearing my marriage apart."

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DeGeneres then got serious while setting the record straight.

"There's not one ounce of truth to any of it," she said. "I am very happily married. The only thing we ever argue about is who loves who more. It really is true. And … we argue if we would let a kangaroo carry us in a pouch for a year."

DeGeneres, who has been married to de Rossi, 40, since 2008, ended her monologue by telling her audience that she'll always level with them about what's happening in her life.

"If there's anything you need to know," she said, "I will announce it here first."

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