Question of the Day: Is the Recession Reversing Gender Roles in Your House?

I think that lady that said she lost respect for her husband because of a job loss better apologize to him. It wasn’t his fault, first of all, and the bible says to respect your husband, the head of the family, no matter what!

To the woman who has lost respect for her husband because she must be the bread winner. What happened to women’s rights? A woman should be equal, she should be paid an equal wage. What is wrong with her being the one to earn the household salary? Welcome to 2009!

How has the recession affected us? My husband and I agreed to take over my parent’s home when my Mom had to go in for open heart surgery last July. In order to keep Dad out of the nursing home, Ryan and I put our house up for sale, took over their house and began a remodeling project that became the nightmare of our lives. Now, $45,000 OVER budget, we are living in the remodeled house, renting out our old house for less than 2/3rds of the mortgage payment, trying to pay for the new house, take care of my parents (who are in their 80′s), and raise our 4 year old daughter. I’ve had to go back to work full time to try and cover bills, Ryan’s overtime has been cut, and we have 3 mortgages to pay and 5 mouths to feed. While we don’t regret taking my parents in, we do regret all the money that went into the remodel with this economy the way it is. Depression is bringing us all down, we are up to our eyeballs in stress, and we do not see an end in sight. We have creditors calling us at all hours of the day and night, we’ve fallen behind on almost all of our bills, and I’m afraid to balance the checkbook. That is how the economy has affected us in the past 9 months.

My wife has been the “breadwinner” since I was stricken with Multiple Sclerosis 15 years ago (at age 35). It wasn’t because of the economy, but I became “Mr. Mom” and what you said about the adjustment is true. I still have troubles at times accepting that my wife is supporting me. As much as I was raised to value a “housewife”, being a “househusband” has been a blow to my self esteem. It doesn’t have to make sense, that’s just the way it is.

I retired seven years ago at the age of 55, and my wife retired two years ago at the age of 54. We both had good paying California jobs near San Francisco.
Now with my 401k and 457 plans in a shambles, I had to go back to work near my wife’s hometown in New Hampshire. I now make about one third what I used to make, and my wife will be going back to work soon. I don’t think I can ever retire now, even though our house is paid for and we are frugal. I have a job at WalMart changing oil and mounting tires. At 62, it’s almost killing me.

I think it is important to share the percentage of job loss by gender when doing comparisons, do not just share absolute numbers of jobs lost by gender. There are far more many men in the work force and you do not want to imply that the men are getting disparate treatment on job loss.
Thanks

I think it is important to share the percentage of job loss by gender when doing comparisons, do not just share absolute numbers of jobs lost by gender. There are far more many men in the work force and you do not want to imply that the men are getting disparate treatment on job loss.
Thanks

My Husband lost his contract job at Ford almost 3 years ago. I have been the sole breadwinner ever since. I make a decent salary, but finances are tight and my husband is in school to gain some new skills. We are hoping he will finish school soon and maybe get a good job. He does most of the housework, but we still have discussions about the “division of labor” in our home. I haven’t washed a floor or scrubbed a toilet in quite a long while and I guess that is not such a bad thing, but I’d rather have a dirty house and stable finances.

I am unable to find employment in the teaching field despite a PhD from Boston University and a Masters from Cambridge Uk. My field is Theology/Ethics. I have presented at Oxford, considered one of 50 “rising stars” in the field, yet, we live on my wife’s income. She is a psychiatric nurse practitioner and works 2.5 days a week. I keep our 2 year old and am interviewing in the Netherlands for a post doctorate research job.

We have been hit by the recession bug; first with my job; I am a realtor, so I went out and got a part-time job to help make ends meet; my husband continued his job; but now that the real estate sector is beginning to move again, he was recently laid off. We have decided to keep him home; let him take a breather from all the work and long DC commutes; he is Mr. Mom doing the cooking, cleaning, kids schedules. That give me the chance to pick up extra hours at my part-time job and work more real estate clients without worry. I am proud that he has taken this new role with joy and is enjoying every minute of it. It has been a blessing in disguise for my family and especially our three kids!

Oh yea, for you guys out their walking around with a macho chip on your shoulders saying you feel ashamed that your wife is bringing home the bacon instead of you “GET OVER IT !!”… You should be thankful you have a strong person who loves you and your family enough to stick by your side instead of getting on national TV saying they hate your guts or running away from what needs to done. Come on, we all know the macho men are the most vulnerable guys cause they’re too busy worrying about what the world thinks about them instead of handling their own business:)

Being out of work and counting on your spouse to bring home the bacon is hard. I have excepted this as much needed change and have found a new level of respect for my relationship. However I am looking forward to getting back to work. it has hurt my identity.

In my family we have always had a reversal of traditional gender roles. My wife has always made more money and I’ve always done chores such as cooking meals, laundry, shopping, etc.
But as an ABC employee, after massive layoffs in January necesitated my changing hours, I no longer am home for dinner with my family and more of the honus is on my wife to do both roles. I still cook dinner and do the shopping but I’m no longer able to help in the evening with the other family chores.

I could not believe he woman who was ashamed of her husband because he lost his job! They say that when you loose your job, it becomes your full time job to FIND a new job. I hope he looks to get out of that marriage first! He would be much better off unemployed and without her!

My husband of 31 years lost his job (that he had held equally as long!). At almost the exact time, I began at a new job – working longer hours. Additionally, I started school pursuing my masters. We have transitioned into our new roles as we have any other challenge that has faced us over the decades we have been together. We have been upbeat, positive and supportive because we feel this is an opportunity to show our sons how to face adversity – with faith, love and a great sense of humor!
My husband is now responsible for grocery shopping, errand running and troubleshooting. While he still does not initiate the bulk of the housework – he told me when we married that he didn’t do toilets – I come home to a clean kitchen and food in the refrigerator. We both cook the meals together, giving us opportunity to discuss the day’s events.
I am amazed at the comment the woman made about losing respect for her husband. I have actually seen a different side of mine and seen him strengthen in several areas.
While I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, I do feel it has proved to be a valuable experience – one that I hope will SOON be behind all of us.

Yes, the role reversal has happened to us. Previoulsy a double income family, enjoying a good lifestyle, I lost my job as vice president construction for a publicly held home builder at the beginning of the downturn.
My wife, however, was fortunate to keep her job selling new homes for another national home builder.
Unable to find another job in home building, I took a job as a project manager in commercial construction, accepting a $20,000 paycut. I lost that job three months later when the developer went under.
I looked for work for almost a year after that before finding a job as a field construction superintendent with a homebuilding company, but at $40,000 less than my job as a project manager. I was laid off from that job six months later when there were no sales.
I am now Mr. Mom, taking care of the house and the day to day things that need to be done for our family. My wife makes an excellent living, but with a son in college and my mother in a nursing home, her income doesn’t pay all the bills. We are spending my 401K to cover the shortfall and won’t have enough to retire.
For us, President Obama’s bailout will come too late.

Our house has always been very equal when it comes to money. My fiance and I were working equally. But now, she is working full time while I can only pick up shifts here and there, waiting for a full time opportunity. We’ve never really had a traditional gender-role household, but now we do…in sheer reverse of the norm. I’m home most days, cleaning and cooking, while she’s working. Since she knows that I’m trying to find something, we just have fun with the gender-role idea. What’s important is that we love each other and are both willing to do what it takes to get by.

I’m not going to be PC here, instead I’m going to tell the truth. After watching dozens of way less experienced and frankly way less good at their jobs women pass me by with promotions and pay raises, I was laid off with the excuse being that I was at a lower position. Now I’m an unemployed, over 50, extremely smart, heavily experienced (in technology, teaching, and administration), highly educated, multi-degreed (including a near PhD) single male with no prospects of getting hired anywhere. And I have a worsening prostate condition that needs a fourth (and fifth and sixth…) surgery that I can no longer pay to have done. I received none, not one, response to multiple job applications until I changed my name on one to sounding feminine, with all other parts of the resume being the same. I immediately received a call and could here the miffed HR person’s shock at finding out I was a man (with a quick excuse to end the discussion, and no call back ever). Just think about how many government agencies would be investigating this if the roles were reversed.

My husband lost his job nearly three years ago and has been looking ever since with no luck. Fortunately, I’ve remained employed and make a good income but times are still tight. We’re a team and the role reversal was a natural step in the relationship. He takes care of the household things and I “bring home the bacon”. He never complains but I know this isn’t how he envisioned our lives and he hopes desparately to find a job outside the home. It’s taken a toll on his self-esteem, none of our friends know he’s not working. I feel helpless because I can’t “fix” the situation. I love him and even though the circumstances are frustrating I know that he’s smart and capable and has a lot to offer an employer. Until then, we’ll keep going as we are.

It’s hard to respect anyone – man or woman – who does not pay the bills.

This news article was an insult to an entire generation of working women. What do you mean by “gender roles”? In my home and marriage, we are two people, not two “genders.” I do not have an assigned “role” in my life, do you? You would think after all these years, this type of stereotypical thinking would fade away.

Changing roles in the household has definately put a challenge in our marriage. My husband lost his job as management in the food service industry, which was great money and great insurance benefits. Luckily I have still been able to keep my job and he is able to go back to college full time to persue a new career in the medical field.
Even though it has been difficult to make ends meet, we have had many tears and we have had to humble ourselves to receive help from others, I am proud of him for taking on a new adventure at 40 years old to make a better life for our family in the future.

My husband and I have traded roles. He was laid off one and a half years ago. Since I only worked part-time while raising our daughter for the last 10 years, my earning power is low. My paid work is not making ends meet, despite my working many hours. He’s trying to start a company and it’s taking a loooong time. I’d like to think we’re “evolved” people. I enjoy earning more money than before. Emotionally though, the shift has been tough. I’ve got more practice at being a parent and he’s got more practice at making good money. I’d like the old way back!

All my life my father worked as truck and my mother stayed at home. I was use to seeing my father work everyday and now he stays at home while my mother works fulltime. It definately has flipped flopped my parents roles but at the same time I think its amazing how my mother stepped up to the plate and my father is now on the other end. He still is looking for work but hopeful. My mother even though she is working is completely motivated and trying new things. As a young woman to see this switch up just shows me that it doesn’t matter who works aslong as the family stays together and works together.

Not just the recession but the broader changes in the marketplace. A career is no longer tied to one skill, one track or one company. As a husband I learned this after being downsized in 1996. I have used these changes to start a business and write a book. It’s all about Becoming Layoff Proof and knowing ‘What it Means to be the CEO of Me Inc.’ I have had to juggle as Entrepreneur ‘Chef-Boyar-Doc,’ and Chief Transporation Officer.

This economic recession began for my husband and I back in Jan ’07 before anyone even knew there was one. I had already been widowed and was still trying to find my financial footing when six months into our marriage my new husband lost his employment! Having been self-employed, we did not know that he may have been eligible for unemployment benefits. Instead, he made the mistake of accepting interim jobs which were not a right fit for long-term employment (dead-end, no benefits, etc.)
After a year of unsuccessful job searching, my husband finally took my advice and went to school (a daunting task for a 43 year old, high-school drop out w/ a GED!) Of course this further prolonged the period of unemployment, but we gambled that it would literally pay off in the long run. He enrolled in a vocational school so that he could get on the fast track to becoming a nurse.
Selling my home was out of the question with today’s market, not to mention that we’d probably pay more to rent. It’s difficult to “cut back” on expenses when the car payments (dreadfully, one was a lease), insurance, utilities, etc still have to be paid! I have also had to pay child support on behalf of my husband. We also didn’t want late or lack of payments to cause us to lose our credit rating. So, we have had to rely on a home equity loan to supplement my 10 month income as a salary as a teacher. I have a second job, and am always on the look out for a third!
Because this reality hit us sooner than the rest of the country, we got a head-start on trying to contain the damage. We now see a light at the end of the tunnel whereas other as just beginning to feel the effects. Although my husband does have prospects of becoming hired soon he must still overcome the challenge of a “lack of experience” as a requirement for employment.
The first year of marriage is usually tough due to all of the adjustments, but this situation compounded things and has definitely had a detrimental affect on our relationship. I take pride in my career and educational achievements (I have 4 degrees) but never wanted to have to support another adult AND someone else’s children!
After 2 1/2 years I have reached my limit and have not been handling the situation well at all. We are in so much debt, I can’t see our way out for at least the next decade!

I felt terrible for the husband whose wife said that she had “lost respect” for him since he lost his job. If your respect for your spouse is based solely on his ability to earn, that is not much of a marriage. Is he contributing to the family in other ways? If he’s washing the dishes, taking care of the kids, doing the yardwork and saving the family thousands by taking care of those tasks, he should be respected for that.

This should “correct” the inequality of pay. Are businesses getting rid of the highest paid first?

I have been unemployed for 4 months now and my wife is the breadwinner. I do the majority of chores happily so I can do my part in supporting her as she takes on the responsibility of bringing home a paycheck. To add insult to injury her employer slashed her paycheck 10%. It just gets tougher to make ends meet. Hopefully things will turn around and I will be gainfully employed soon.

After watching this story. I got the impression it missed the whole point of what’s going on. More men are getting laid off in this recession than women, because they are probably paid more than women who do the same job for less pay. That lets management kill two birds with one stone; reduce overall expenses and keep a wage disparity for women in the work force.

I have looked all of this site and either I am blind or I can’t see but where is the blog about Nashville. Now if it was a forein contrey I bet the major networks would be all over it. I have two daughters that live there so I watch Tuesday nights news, you spent 11 minutes on a bomb that did not happen and 2 minutes on the flood that did. {?} As that John dude use to say “Give me a break”.

Wow, alright, first off I see this is a very old post, but after reading it I couldn’t help but comment thinking that others may read it later.
My wife isn’t the Suzie home maker type. She never was, never will be. I was raised by a single mom and taught to cook, clean, sew, do dishes, clean toilets, the whole “typical” girl experience. I have a Masters degree, my wife has her RN. I’ve been a stay at home dad for a decade and LOVE it. She hated doing it when our first was born, so I offered and she gladly accepted.
I’m the home maker, and she’s the bread winner. She alone makes 150,000 a year, I make maybe 10k if I’m lucky.
Also, the “stereotype” would lead you to believe I’m girly, or feministic. I’m a 6’5″ hairy biker looking man, I’m well spoken but in a line up for people picking professions, I think most would think I’m a biker with a job as a butcher. My wife, the bread winner who would be thought of as manly in text, is a blonde, very attractive, very petite woman and a very, very lady like person.
Sticking us side by side outside of our jobs, professions and desired roles people would assume she cooks, I drink beer and love sports.
I HATE sports, I HATE beer and I do 99.9% of the cooking. She loves beer, drinks while watching every last sporting event that comes on. She bought me a man cave so I didn’t have to sit through sporting events.
Gender roles? not in our house. I’m comfortable cooking, and doing crafts with the kids. I love it. I’m comfortable fixing scraped knees, and reading stories to my little ones prior to bed. She’s comfortable drinking a beer, skinning fish, camping, drinking beer and playing/watching sports.
here is the difference. She was raised by her father, and during the late 70′s it was a time where men were realizing that women needed to know more than just cooking and cleaning. Her dad taught her how to do brakes, oil changes, tire changes, fishing, hunting, sports, and many other things. all the things the stereotype suggests boys do. I was raised by a single mom. I was her “little baker” and i loved doing it. I learned how to sew, cook, clean, and do all the stereotypical “girl” tasks. Our first date was true to our form. She listened to my car while i was driving her to my house and said “your break is going bad” We got to my house and I made her a feast, that she tore through explaining that a lack of a mom, she’d never had a home cooked meal.
Our next date, she fixed my brakes and showed me how to do it. Now, 20 years later I know how to completely rebuild a car and have 2 times. Only…because my wife was able to give me pointers.
Some people who meet us don’t understand, but they get use to us. They know I’m a man, she’s a woman and don’t look at us as if we’re odd, it’s just who we are.
Lastly, I’d like to point out. Our avoidance of the gender role nonsense has made 20 years of loyal, happy love for us. Gender roles may work in your home, maybe it’s whats best for you. But don’t think a man that can cook and be nurturing is a girly quality. Dont’ think her ability to hit a home run makes her manly. it just makes you look silly.