‘Nice Guy Molesters’ Believe They’re ‘Child Lovers’
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“I enjoy young people,” Jerry Sandusky told NBC’s Bob Costas Monday. “I love being around them.”
That was Sandusky’s explanation after being accused of 40 counts of child molestation charges. He enjoys kids. He started the popular and successful Second Mile charity; he says he even felt like a kid himself sometimes.
But that ‘nice guy’ defense is a classic tactic of a child sexual predator, said Ken Lanning, a former FBI special agent for 30 years and now a consultant in the area of crimes against children. This type of predator hones in on children who are particularly vulnerable, then gives them whatever it is they feel they’re missing. Poor? The predator will shower the child with gifts and money, Lanning said. No dad? The child molester looks to fill that void by acting as a fatherly figure.
“They call themselves child lovers,” said Lanning. ”They nurture these kids, so when someone asks, ‘Did you molest this child?’ they say, ‘I would never molest or hurt a child.’”
“In their mind, it’s not molesting, it’s love,” he said.
The defense and justification is one that has been seen before in high-profile cases of alleged child molestation. When Michael Jackson was accused of such an act, he told ABC’s Diane Sawyer in a 1995 interview that he could “never harm a child or anyone. It’s not in my heart.”
Jackson and the accuser’s family and Jackson’s team came to a $20 million civil settlement.
A decade later, Jackson faced four more charges of child molesting, along with one charge of attempted child molesting and eight possible counts of providing alcohol to minors. He was found not guilty in 2005.
During the Jackson trial, Lanning recalled many of Jackson’s friends and family coming to his defense by saying, “He’s dedicated his life to children. He loves children. He’s like a child himself.”
While Lanning does not want to discourage or call into question all the good people who do work with children, especially underserved youths, he said many of Jackson’s defenses didn’t actually clear him.
“When people said he liked children more than adults and is always taking in troubled kids to his ranch, none of that means he’s not a child molester. I’m not saying he is, but that certainly doesn’t say he’s not. It fits with a consistent mold with many individuals who have this problem.”
For both Sandusky and Jackson, Lanning said, “nothing is unique about either situation when looking at child molestation charges.”
Child-lover molesters almost never use violence for sex, said Lanning. Instead, they groom and seduce and manipulate and use cooperation to get what they want out of the child.
“I can’t tell you how many cases where there are letters from the victim written to the accused, saying, ‘You’re the nicest person I ever met,’ or ‘You’ve been so good to me,’” said Lanning.
Many victims don’t tell anyone of the inappropriate behavior because they are considered “compliant child victims.”
“A child can’t legally consent to having sex, but some of them aren’t necessarily fighting him off,” said Lanning. “They’re developmentally immature, and later they feel ashamed and embarrassed that they cooperated in their victimization.”
At any one time, these types of child molesters have four different areas of focus going on at once.
“They operate in a pipeline,” said Lanning. “They always have their eye out for new victims and new kids to go in the pipeline; then they go into full seduction mode. They’re grooming the kids, and usually the parents, too, by showering the kids with gifts and attention. Then at some point, they’re having full sexual activity with the child; then later, maybe a year or two after this goes on, the kid gets too old and the predator is not interested anymore. He’ s trying to move him out– pushing him out the other end of the pipeline.”
The kids then often realize that the predator did not actually care about him. The predator used him and no longer has an interest in him sexually.
“That’s when victims often come forward,” said Lanning.
If parents feel suspicious, Anna Salter, a Wisconsin-based psychologist who has worked with sex offenders and victims for 30 years, said they should not feel like they need hard proof to remove a child from the situation.
“If you’re wrong, you’re wrong,” said Salter. “If you’re right, you’ve really saved the kid from severe trauma. You must act conservatively when it comes to the health and safety of children.”
“I often tell parents, if any adult wants to be around your kids more than you do, beware,” said Lanning. “And beware of anything that seems to be too good to be true.”
“Everyone is angry at Penn State, but it could happen again and we all need to understand that organizations are living organisms—the first priority is survival,” said Salter. “People underestimate the pull to save an organization, and we have to send a powerful message that, yes, there is the desire to protect the organization, but you have an allegiance to the larger society and to children not to yield to that pull.”
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Is this article stating that child haters are the true lovers of children?
Huh?
People please! There are many people men and women who love children and do good.
The behaviour of loving children and caring about them is NOT a bad trait! Unfortunately it makes ANYONE with this trait a suspect.
There are not that many people that truly care about kids.
Michael Jackson truly did. Unfortunately in his case someone wanted to get him and OBVIOUSLY read books and consulted with child sex prosecutors to tailor every aspect of Michaels life to a child abuser.
In truth real child abusers have many victims not accusers people can count on one hand!
Posted by: friend | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 9:05 am
Friend, I think that you are misunderstanding what the FBI expert was describing. The key is the pedophile will love spending time with your kids, more than you do. That is the observation where parents should stop the interaction.
Personally I love children, was thrilled to be an aunt each time, provided free babysitting to give the parents a break but after about 3 hours I was glad to see them go home! I was lucky enough to become a mom of three, now grown. I can honestly say my own kids were the only ones I could spend unlimited amounts of time with and enjoy it. I still love children, would jump in front of a bus to save any child, but spending huge amounts of time with them, rather than adults or even myself, nope.
Parents need to be aware that it shows a problem of some kind if an adult wants to spend a lot of time with your child, rather than bonding with other adults. Unfortunately, as in the Penn State case, the perverted individual knows to seek out children who are in need, perhaps the single parent or both parents are overwhelmed with working, other children and thus the pedophile can easily become important in the child’s life.
We all need to be aware and alert of coaches and neighbors who are too friendly, spend too much time with children so that we can protect all children, not just our own, from these predators.
Posted by: Lydia | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 11:12 am
I’m not entirely shocked that Michael Jackson’s name came up in this mess. It was only a matter of time. It is grossly unfair though. I grant you that there are many people out there who believe that he was a pedophile, but by the time they get caught, as was the case with Sandusky, there are many accusers.
Posted by: mijoje1 | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 11:22 am
With Jerry Sandusky its a little different. He wasn’t a “nice guy molester” because the eyewitness said he saw Sandusky raping the child. Nothing “nice guy” about that. I hope Jerry Sandusky is sent away for a long time.
Posted by: michael1_4 | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 11:40 am
Next this child molesting oaf will say, “he never had a childhood”. Everything else sounds familiar. I’m suspicious of someone who wants to spend their every waking free time with children along with unappropriate behavior. There is no excuse under the sun to justify Jackson’s behavior with kids anymore than Sandusky. Get the child image of Jackson dancing twiddle dee little birdy out of your head. The man was 40 years old and a weirdo by that time who was taking young boys into his bed.
Posted by: viv | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 11:42 am
s this article stating that child haters are the true lovers of children?
Huh?
People please! There are many people men and women who love children and do good.
—————————————————
No, genius, but they don’t take them to bed or shower with them. Get it?
Posted by: moffet | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 11:43 am
Actually Sandusky and Michael Jackson are remarkably similar — except Sandusky probably can’t sing or dance as well.
Posted by: Bruno | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 11:44 am
I believe there are other Pedophiles in this ring. I think Sandusky video taped some of his molestations… yet the judge allows him to go home and destroy evidence. The judge does NOT issue a Do Not Destroy order on Penn State! The 1% protecting the 1%.
Posted by: Fresh_Water | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 11:48 am
Wow this article seem to completely contradict your show on the lusks? (20/20)
ABC should be ashamed at their airing of the lusks. They send a message of just how hard it is for a child to come forward for fear of being blamed.
Well said Lydia.
Posted by: marhay | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 11:49 am
Please tell your writers that a verdict of “not guilty” is absolutely not a verdict of “innocent”. The latter does not exist, and only used by lay people that have little idea of what a “not guilty” verdict means. It means that despite what could be a significant amount of evidence, there was reasonable doubt not to find the individual guilty — a standard in favor of keeping people out of jail unless the government is able to remove all reasonable doubt. This is why the verdict is “not guilty”, and why people who are not innocent could still conceivably be found “not guilty”. Again, there is no such thing as a verdict of “innocent.”
Posted by: Fabio Silva | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 11:53 am
Excellent article. Unfortunately, many persons reading this article will not understand and/or accept the “Nice Guy” mindset. Sandusky, Jackson, members of the Catholic Clergy, all have/or had their share of devoted followers willing to turn a subjective blind eye to Nice Guy abuse.
Posted by: Susan | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 11:58 am
“Actually Sandusky and Michael Jackson are remarkably similar — except Sandusky probably can’t sing or dance as well.” — Well, and the fact that only two accusers went after Michael Jackson in something like 15 years. Jerry’s got about 20 accusers so far. If Michael Jackson had ACTUALLY molested children, I think he would have had many more accusers over his lifetime.
Posted by: WorkingClass | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 12:01 pm
My husband used to coach little league football.- grades 4-7. There was an assistant coach that took to inviting the boys over to play video games and even some overnighters. My son was on the team and I refused to allow him to go to the asst coach’s home. I told my husband he needed to stop allowing this to happen. I didn’t think it was right for a grown man to want the company of young boys all the time. My husband thought I was nuts but did put a stop to it. To this day I don’t know if anything was going on. No one ever said anything of the sort. …maybe I should have done more, but without accusations there’s nothing more to do I guess. and yeah, reading the headline alone took my mind to Jackson.
Posted by: richiesmom | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 12:11 pm
…”only two accusers went after Michael Jackson in something like 15 years.” Yes, “went after” in a more public fashion. Nice disingenuous wording there. It was fairly common knowledge that were many others, some of whom evidently made secret cash settlements with Jackson and his attorneys. Yep. Sandusky and MJ seem quite similar.
Posted by: Bruno | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 12:14 pm
I can relate to this article because may 4 yr. old (then 3 yr old) told her dad some disturbing news about a close friend who had her touch and wipe his private area. He is no longer a friend, and we reported it to authorities, but because she did not tell the authorities herself he still remains free. I just pray that he won’t do this again to some other little girl. Awsome article
Posted by: TKG | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 12:20 pm
This is an excellent article. enough has already been said about in here.
Posted by: derek | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 12:23 pm
I think majority of men working with boys may be pedophiles by orientation. Most of them are just not committing any crimes. Can hetero people have romantic feelings about people with whom they never have any psysical relationship ? Absolutelty. The same can probably be true about pedos. That may sound too ugly to be true but I do not see any reason why it cannot be the case.
Posted by: Alex | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 12:27 pm
I personally know a woman who was also “too good to be true.” She was loving,attentive, and giving, even an excellent babysitter who always wanted to do more for the children. Who would ever suspect that she loved little girls so much that she molested them? These vultures are out there in every walk of life. Parents need to be suspicious!
Posted by: jan | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 12:29 pm
Does the Nice Guy Molester that believes they’re Child Lovers remind you of anyone? I’ll give you a hint, his initials are Michael Jackson.
Posted by: SullivanJohn | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 12:40 pm
Who knew – Hell hath no fury like a jilted kid.
Posted by: Mitch Bastid | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 12:43 pm
I hope that stories, of this nature, will serve as a wake-up call to parents; everyone thinks that their child is ‘special’ and overwhelming attention given to their child is warranted. While it is wonderful to have a village interact with your child, keep the antenna up. I managed a girl’s softball team and noticed that the coach, an unmarried man in his early thirties, paid very special attention to the ‘prettiest’ eleven year old girls and totally ignored the less attractive players. I tried to subtly warn the other parents but they were all so thrilled with the ‘charming’ coach that no one would listen. I had no definite proof, other, than intuition (he whispered in their ears, rubbed their backs, stroked their arms and always, always seemed to find a reason for physical contact) and, finally, had no choice but to leave the organization. Maybe it was innocent, but there were certainly enough red flags waving out there. I don’t know what, if anything, ever happened; I hope nothing did but this is the same parental attitude and denial that makes children victims. These monsters usually seek out positions of control or power and they work the parents as well as the children. Just remember if, like this creepy coach, he seems too good to be true… he probably isn’t.
Posted by: Pepina | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 12:54 pm
I think majority of men working with boys may be pedophiles by orientation. Most of them are just not committing any crimes. Posted by: Alex | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 12:27 pm.
How on earth did you come up with such an insane and completely unsupported position?!?!? That sick non-explanation of yours has no basis in fact. And FYI, pedophiles can be either male or female and can be attracted to either little boys or little girls. To slam, with not one OUNCE of proof, “the majority of men working with boys” is really, really pathetic and craven of you…………….
Posted by: Searambler | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 12:57 pm
Michael Jackson gave children “Jesus Juice” alcohol, he slept in the same bed with them and paid millions of dollars to shut them up. If you don’t think he’s guilty of molesting children than I hope you’re not a parent because your kids would be sitting ducks for these sickos!
Posted by: Mj guilty | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 12:59 pm
Searambler your are correct that my statement was a speculation and I do not have any proof about it. But I do not think there is no evidence of the contrary either. You cannot study the subject because no person alive will even say “yes I am a pedophile” for obvious reasons. So my only evidence goes by analogy. It is obvious that the number of people who are attracted by their coworkers of opposite sex is thousands of times bigger than the number of people who actually sexually harass or assault them. What is the reason to think it could be otherwise with the pedos ? I can’t see any.
Posted by: Alex | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 1:27 pm
Special for divorced mothers with young children: the person this lovely man is going for is not you – but your helpless child. if you have three cute daughters under the age of ten – they guy who wants to marry you is probably a molester. Yes there are exceptions. But add it up: you are divorced, you have three little girls, and you are short of money and this guy wants you?
Posted by: Kyle | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 1:49 pm
MJ Guilty — really? “gave children Jesus Juice”? How many children? When? If you can answer these questions with facts and dates and not simply because you enjoy perusing tabloids, then I might take your post a little more seriously.
Posted by: mijoje1 | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 1:56 pm
What????? People who love children and enjoy their authenticity more than the defended egos of adults are sinister child predators??? Give me a break. As for predators “loving to spend time with your kid more than you do” – I would say that says a whole lot more about self-centered parents than about people who genuinely enjoy the spontaneity and authenticity of children. I spent every moment I could with my kids. But I heard other mothers complaining all the time that they had to get away from their kids and I recall two in particular saying that they “couldn’t stand” their kids and had to get a job to escape them. I absolutely hate the cynicism that distorts reality these days. How many people would love to volunteer but don’t because of cynics like Ken Lanning who think they know so much about human behavior? Know-it-all, condemnatory, suspicious attitudes like his do a great deal of damage not just to individuals but to our society as a whole. Yes, it is traumatic when a child is molested. I was one of those kids who was repeatedly molested. I suffered. I got into therapy. I healed. Life does not end, so let’s just get this in perspective, shall we?
Posted by: Damie | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 2:44 pm
Fabio Silva, the reason there is no “innocent” verdict in a trial is because all Americans are innocent until proven guilty. Therefore when one is found “not guilty,” that person is, by default, innocent.
Posted by: Arf40 | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 2:46 pm
Poorly written. Focus on Sandusky, not Michael Jackson. I understand that he used it as an example, but it pulled the focus away from Sandusky. More comments about MJ than Jerry Sandusky.
Posted by: Ariane | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 2:58 pm
Sandusky was clearly a predator who did little to control his sexual urges and did great harm to boys. That said, there are many shades of gray when it comes to people with sexual attraction towards children or teens. People can’t be classified as just good or just evil. I’m sure plenty of fathers feel some attraction towards their teen daughters’ friends- but they tell themselves it’s wrong and suppress the feelings. Others might satisfy their urges just being around children they are attracted to. Is that wrong? Some might allow themselves to touch children in non-sexual ways. Are they molesters? Clearly, when a child’s private parts are violated, this is molestation and should be prosecuted. Other areas are more gray, and the level of punishment should fit the amount of harm.
Posted by: helicohunter | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 3:15 pm
Did I miss something? I thought charges had just now been filed and no one has had their day in court. As far as the coach that reported the abuse to the campus police. Really? Geez man, it’s the campus police. That report got tossed so far back in the trash, no one will ever find it. Let this be a lesson to everyone, always get a copy of the police report. Been there, done that.
Posted by: Deborah Miller | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 3:24 pm
This was an excellent article. If anyone had a question of how a predator operates, this article should have made it very clear. I have never understood parents who seem to implicitly trust others with their kids. I have learned to trust my instincts about people and have never felt bad about severing contact if I feel uncomfortable about someone. In one case I did so and I am very glad I did. The former FBI agent was very “on the mark” by saying that if someone is more interested in spending time with your kids than you are, then be suspicious. And by the way, it is clear what Michael Jackson was up to – he just had the money to make it all go away.
Posted by: reader | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 4:58 pm
When can we start hanging these people high? Throw the book at them, make an example of the so that eventually the message goes in that our society will not protect and enable these creeps.
I was sucked in by one of these deviants, as a single mom with no clue that Mr Wonderful was more into my teenage daughter than me. Until it was too late. PLEASE EDUCATE SINGLE MOTHERS WHO ARE OUR MOST VULNERABLE, SOME OF WHO HAVE SUCH LOW SELF ESTEEM AND LIMITED UNDERSTANDING OF THE DANGERS; THEY AND THEIR INNOCENT CHILDREN ARE OPEN SEASON FOR THESE FREAKS!
And take Toddlers and Tiaras off the air while you’re at it!
Posted by: Singlemomwhosbeenthere | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 5:05 pm
I think it’s totally inappropriate to mention Michael Jackson in this article. I’m not the biggest Jackson fan in the world but he had his day in court and was acquitted. Would his name appear here if he were still alive, I highly doubt it. Lowest of low.
Posted by: George | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 5:09 pm
Hey Sandusky, just wait until you get to prison, inmates have kids too you know and boy are they waiting on you!!!
Posted by: Reader | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 5:57 pm
Priests, youth pastors, coaches, scout leaders….guys in these catagories hit the news (usually only the local news unless there are multiple victims willing to speak out) weekly, as molesters. Remember the bank robber who said he robbed banks “because that’s where the money is”? Molesters seek to befriend and groom children and so have to hang out where the kids are. Be careful of adult males or even older teens who want to be around your children when you aren’t there.
Posted by: Cassandra | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 5:58 pm
Re: “I was sucked in by one of these deviants, as a single mom with no clue that Mr Wonderful was more into my teenage daughter than me. Until it was too late.” Oddly enough I was thinking about posting to single moms: DO NOT respond to personal ads from males who “love kids”. He’ll be ideal – UNTIL you find out what he’s doing to your children and makes you feel too guilty to report him.
Posted by: Cassandra | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 6:02 pm
Actually been there, done that. Thanks for the troll though Cassandra. Unfortunately my daughter is an adult, now 20 and does not want to rehash her experience. Thankfully there are other legal ways of ‘red flagging’ this type of behaviour legally. But, like many things to with the taboo subject of child molestation….you only know what goes on behind the scenes once you have been there.
Posted by: SINGLEMOMWHOSBEENTHERE | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 6:52 pm
I don’t know if Michael Jackson molested boys or not. I wasn’t there. But I don’t think he did. Why? To my knowledge, only 3 boys over a span of 30 years came forward to accuse Michael Jackson of molestation, and all three were asking for money. One, his maid’s child, said Michael’s hand brushed his genitals when they were playing. For this TRAUMA, he needed money. Now, I’m a school teacher. Once when I was helping a kid on the computer, she zigged and I zagged and my arm accidentally brushed her breast. It wasn’t intentional and I’m not a molester. These things happen. To understand what happened in 1993, read the background of those charges. Listen to the tape the kid’s father made saying how he was going to bring Michael Jackson down. Michael Jackson had refused to bankroll this father’s showbiz career and had declined to add a wing to his house as requested. Michael Jackson’s lawyers advised him to pay the father to get rid of the career distraction, and his insurance company decided how much to pay, not Michael Jackson. The father took the money. If your child had been sexually molested, would YOU walk away for ANY amount of money? To understand what happened in 2005, read up on the accusing family. They had asked many performers for money, and had sued JC Penney’s claiming sexual abuse. The entire family had lived at Neverland for months, being fed, clothed, and transported on Michael’s dime. Only when Michael Jackson realized that they were taking advantage of him and had no intention of ever going home, and he began to make moves to get rid of them did they accuse him of anything. On the other hand, there are MANY more who were befriended by Michael Jackson as children who are now successful, balanced young men. They stayed friends with Michael Jackson into adulthood and they have come forward to say that he NEVER molested them: Macaulay Culkin, Frank Cascio, his brother, Omer Bhatti, Brett Barnes, Ricky Segall, and Wade Robson to name a few. What I have noticed is that the so-called common knowledge about Michael Jackson comes from unsubstantiated reports from tabloid publications and others who are paid by the word. Just because someone writes it doesn’t make it true. There are lots of other little boys who have accused Michael Jackson? Where are they? Who are they? Why have they not come forward as the Penn State victims are? I have also noticed that the people who point accusing fingers Michael Jackson are people who have never met him, while the people who actually knew him speak lovingly and glowingly about him. Did Michael Jackson live his life the way the rest of us do? No. But then, did he have the opportunity to be socialized in the same way the rest of us are? No. He made some unwise and naive choices, but that doesn’t make him a child molester. It is so unfair to pull him into this Penn State story. He is not here to defend himself.
Posted by: Susan | November 17, 2011 November 17, 2011, 9:42 pm
Is this really a news flash? Pedophile literally translates to “lover of children” Yes they love the children, much like normal adults love an appropriately aged person. They are sick. And more often than not, there is no fixing it.
Posted by: well duh | November 18, 2011 November 18, 2011, 4:09 am
If only parents ,teachers,pastors ,Sunday school teachers..Just everyone would get involved in teaching children signs to watch out for,and to always tell,no matter what.These men warn children not to tell,they usually say they will in someway harm their family and they would go to jail etc.Children need to be taught,not to permit any private touching.To be aware of looks .Never to be alone with men.These men are sexually turned on by young boys and even babies.It is everywhere today.the Least expected men too.So tech the children everywhere how this is wrong and how they can end up hurt.Educate the children.It is a problem everyone..wake up..make it a must program.same as alcohol & drug education.Make the children awayre even toddlers.Need to know.Believe the child.I know for a fact a certain young boy was hurt really bad by a grandparent.They lie and convince the judge other wise,and then if you have talked to the child to comfort the child,and they should say Mommy or daddy or Grandma said..it is all over.Now they do not believe the child anymore.Tell Tell Tell no matter what ,keep telling until someone listens.
Posted by: Joan Rogers | November 18, 2011 November 18, 2011, 6:52 am
Susan, very frantically wordy post there. MJ was a fruity pedophile. Wise up.
Posted by: LEXINGTONLADY | November 18, 2011 November 18, 2011, 9:30 am
Well said!!!! Peds are everywhere so parents beware! Poor little 5yr old got raped at Mcdonalds playground by a 13 yr old!!! Evil is getting younger as well. I don’t know what this world is coming to!-Brownsville Cheezmeh/fb community watchdog. TEXAS
Posted by: Bee Q. | November 18, 2011 November 18, 2011, 11:37 am
Dr. Drew said it best, and I will always remember his words when I have children of my own. “I am always suspicious of an adult, especially a male, who pays a lot of attention to other people’s kids.”
Posted by: SMH | November 18, 2011 November 18, 2011, 12:29 pm
Fanning has been looking at sexual deviants for so long, I’m not sure he would recognize a genuine child lover if he saw one. What is needed is a reliable study that compares the genuine to the deviant. On the surface, they may appear the same, but I bet you would find significant differences. When it comes to Michael Jackson, reports from the many parents and their now adult children who grew up knowing him seem to indicate Jackson was more like Captain Kangaroo, Mr. Rogers, or an elementary school teacher.
Posted by: SWB | November 19, 2011 November 19, 2011, 11:34 am
Thankfully for every Sandusky there are many, many men who are willing and able to love, nurture, and give time to non-related children while having zero sexual interest in them.
Unfortunately, thanks to men like Sandusky, many of them will be too afraid of being labeled a pedophile to step forward and volunteer in such roles.
To these men, I say:
I feel your pain. Find an organization that has a “2 adult” policy like the Boy Scouts and give to the next generation. If you are fortunate enough to be in a demographic where people won’t be surprised by you spending 1-1 time with kids, give your time to those groups that DO require 1-1 unsupervised mentoring like Big Brothers and Big Sisters, but be prepared to step aside as soon as you are no longer in that demographic because people will start to wonder what your motives are.
I don’t know what demographics are “not suspicious” when it comes to men spending 1-1 time with unrelated adults but I would assume it would include:
* single men over 21 with a track record of volunteerism, achievement, and maturity
* anyone in uniformed public service with a good, solid track record, e.g. firemen, police, military
* married (or in some areas, the homosexual equivalent) men with at least a few years of solid, stable marriage who have a solid career and a record of achievement and who either have no kids or whose kids are grown and whose kids had few serious problems growing up
* those transitioning from a long record of volunteering in supervised settings with children
Bonus points if you yourself had a rough childhood or young adult life e.g. ex-gang-member AND you have many years of being an upstanding citizen since then.
In today’s world, consider yourself disqualified for unsupervised or perhaps even supervised volunteer-contact with kids if you are or act like a “big kid” or otherwise give any indication that you lack maturity and respect for boundaries, even those you might not agree with.
Demographics groups like Big Brothers and Big Sisters are likely to reject:
* those with recent major changes in their lives or pending major changes, e.g. marriage/divorce
* single men over about 25 with no past or present stable long-term romantic relationship with an age peer, or middle-aged men whose last such relationship ended long ago
* anyone with a past that shows immaturity or questionable judgment unless it’s been followed by many years that show your current character is rock-solid
* anyone with anything in their past that would embarrass the organization or put it at risk of a bigger-than-ordinary-lawsuit if you turned out to be evil
Posted by: davidwr | November 22, 2011 November 22, 2011, 11:09 am
you [the writer of this] say that many of michael jackson’s defenses did not clear his actions.
you should mention that there is one thing that did clear him – a jury.
Posted by: cb | December 16, 2011 December 16, 2011, 5:53 pm