Married 61 Years, Husband and Wife Die Hours Apart
She was just 17. Richard Trimmer married Nancy Hoke in 1951 and for the next six decades the Trimmer family grew. The couple had six children and 10 grandchildren. They were great grandparents more than a dozen times over.
And then, this Sunday, after more than 60 years together, the Trimmers died as they had lived: Inseparable.
Nancy went first. She passed in her sleep. Richard, away in the hospital being treated for terminal lung cancer, followed her just a few hours later.
“It was all just getting too hard, so God took care of it,” their daughter-in-law, Sue Trimmer told Pennsylvania’s Evening Sun on Tuesday.
God, perhaps, but there is a science to these things, and it goes a long way in explaining what happened to the Trimmers.
“Morbidity and mortality rates from all diseases increase, especially with geriatrics,” when they are depressed or bereaved, Dr. Richard Kaplan, a psychiatrist at North Shore-Long Island Jewish’s Syosset Hospital, told ABC News.
“Part of the real issue is the stress,” Kaplan said. “The work of taking care of an sick spouse is a tremendous burden, even for younger people. But when you start to deal with all the frailties of the geriatric, things that appear happenstance are that much more likely.”
The Trimmers’ case is, indeed, rare. They died less than 12 hours apart. But in a study released last month, the American Heart Association found that the risk of suffering a heart attack increased by 21 times in the first 24 hours after the death of a loved one.
In May, 2007, a University of Glasgow study found that the “bereaved were at higher risk than non-bereaved of dying from any cause.” Tracking 4,395 married couples aged 45-64 years old, researchers determined that the danger to widows and widowers increased by 30 percent in the six months following a spouse’s death.
Nancy Trimmer had required open heart surgery ten years ago, the Evening Sun reported, making her even more vulnerable to the sadness she had experienced when her husband left home for the hospital.
Most studies agree that the odds roll back in the favor of the surviving partner as time goes by. New research has been focused, Kaplan said, on “how to handle depression related to [the long term bereaved].”
“Recent work indicated depression is depression in any case, even if it’s predictable,” he said. Psychiatrists had in the past been hesitant to diagnose the elderly, but attitudes and protocol are likely to change with the release newest Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder (DSM V).
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Mr. Richard Trimmer was admitted to the hospital on January 7, 2011 for a fall he had at home. He was diagnosed with hip bruising. While it was true he had lung cancer, as well as other ailments, the reason for the hospital visit of January 7,2011 was to be checked for minor incident at home.
Of note also: the Trimmer’s had six adult children, all married, also adult grandchildren, who assisted their parents with anything that was needed, checked on them often, and were always close by.
On January 7,2011, Mrs. Nancy Trimmer was accompanied by at least one of her children throughout the day and night. Mrs. Nancy Trimmer was not left alone when her husband of 61 years, was in the hospital on January 7, 2011 into January 8,2011.
( I felt I had to provide a few more details to clarify the situation)
Posted by: Gail Trimmer | January 13, 2012 January 13, 2012, 10:56 pm
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Posted by: Amy | January 14, 2012 January 14, 2012, 9:30 am
Thank you Amy.
Posted by: Gail Trimmer | January 14, 2012 January 14, 2012, 9:50 am
Did he know she had died?
Posted by: simi | January 14, 2012 January 14, 2012, 10:49 am
So sorry for your loss They were true soul mates to the very end!
Posted by: Rebecca | January 14, 2012 January 14, 2012, 3:09 pm
A couple. I suspect they felt it was time to move on, and I wish them a peaceful journey into the afterlife. This is not a cautionary tale on how to extend life on this plane beyond what its time should be, but a story to be celebrated about how to live and how to die.
I am sorry for the family’s loss, no matter the circumstances it is never easy to say goodbye to those we love.
Human bodies are mortal and sometimes fragile, the soul is not. When Steve Jobs passed recently his sister reported his last moments and his last words were peaceful and that he looked past them all at something they couldn’t see and said with wonder “WOW, OH WOW” and then he was gone. Maybe people like the Trimmers and Mr. Jobs came to teach us how to say goodbye after a life well lived.
Posted by: lisa | January 14, 2012 January 14, 2012, 6:56 pm
My grandparents died the same day also in 1977, housrs apart in 2 different hospitals. Neither knew the other had passed aay. They were married for 58 years.
Posted by: Cindy | January 15, 2012 January 15, 2012, 9:47 am
Is it seriously this slow of a news day? Really?
Posted by: Willow | January 15, 2012 January 15, 2012, 2:02 pm
One of those times where love trumps science.
Obviously one came by to pick up the other on their way out of this lifetime.
Posted by: Rita | January 15, 2012 January 15, 2012, 5:20 pm
Gail, very sorry for your loss…yes, these articles are not written by journalists with actual experience otherwise certain important details would not be left out. I can tell that your parents were well loved and very treasured. I am in the process of bringing my 82 year old Dad to live with us, he has Parkinson’s and congestive heart failure, he adjusted well for 20 years to the CHF, but the Parkinson’s has taken him down in just 4 years…we are truly grieving as we love him and tenderly care for him – all 9 of his kids doing what they can until now, and now a few of us until he leaves to the truly promised land….to be welcomed with love by God, family, friends, and pets that have gone before….no words, though, can truly comfort, just know that people do care….
Posted by: Caring from Afar | January 16, 2012 January 16, 2012, 2:47 pm