Guilty Until Proven Innocent

By Kelly Harold

Mar 2, 2009 4:47pm

We call him the troublemaker.  He’s 16 months and ready to "bring it on" for anyone who might challenge him.   His older brothers often don’t stand a chance against him.  He violates all rules of the WWF.  He pulls hair. He pinches. He’s been known to bite. He walks around with a drunken sailor’s swagger using his body’s momentum to propel him forward.  We’ve moved picture frames, remote controls, garbage cans out of his grasp… but he is cunning and quick. He’s broken a pewter airplane replica, cracked my porcelain lotus leaf votive candle holders and re-programmed the TIVO.  "Uh-oh" he says in that wide-eyed delicious way that makes it impossible to be mad at him.  He and his posse of one year old playmates have left quite a trail of destruction.  One of his buddies threw his Dad’s blackberry into the toilet.  "Uh-oh"..  Our diapered destructo-boy is also obsessed with his parents PDA. Whenever he gets into his Daddy’s arms, he lunges recklessly towards the holster where his personal toy beckons.   He calls people on speed dial, drools onto the keypad and holds it up to his ear. Last night, my husband couldn’t find his blackberry.  It’s like losing your wallet.  You check the 3 places it might be, then a slow panic starts to settle in on you.  A man without his PDA is like an unarmed solider.  He feels nervous and weak. Everyone pointed at the baby. The interrogation began. "What did you do with it?"… "Where is it?"  The prisoner just babbled nonsense.   We called the blackberry, but it had been silenced. Cushions were overturned. Flashlights were deployed under furniture.  Nothing.  By morning, even the big boys joined in the hunt.  It turned into a snow day scavenger hunt.  After a while, the search was called off. Until it was time to make my middle son’s bed.  Tucked under his comforter, under his top sheet… lay the blackberry, still in it’s holster with a half dozen missed calls from home.  It had slipped off Daddy’s belt as he read a bedtime book tucking the middle guy into bed. If my little guy had a lawyer, he’d be suing for defamation.

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