Dear Liz, I am a single mom of two boys and over the last couple of months I have met a guy whose ex wife cheated on him as did my ex-husband. I have been divorced for over 6 years and he has been divorced for maybe 2 years. Neither one of want/can have an everyday relationship since we are both the primary caregivers of our boys in the same school ranging in ages 8-11. … We have discussed in passing that neither of us see getting remarried until our children are much farther along. We hang out on the weekends – grilling, sports, movies with kids, etc. However, I probably initiate things 70% of the time. One, because I enjoy being with him and his kids, plus my father recently passed away so I like staying busy and having friends around when the work/school week comes to an end. My question is I am starting to like him and can see long, long term being more than just friends. So do I step back and let him do more of the initiating …or do I just live for the moment and keep doing what I have been doing and see where it goes? I am leaning towards living for the moment, but being raised up to be old fashioned, I don't want to appear to desperate. Help me as I am starting to over-think this one way too much!!
Mitzi, Dallas, Texas
Thanks for writing. Well first of all, sounds like a really good thing you have going with this great guy. And seriously, the ages of your kids, how alike they are, and how well you all get along…what a gift. Okay, well you threw me there for a second. As I was reading, I thought you were in a relationship. I had to re-read to learn you guys are just friends.I would say you should not talk to him about your feelings just yet. Let this play out naturally if you can. You sound pretty sure that he likes you, and it’s a fact that you all have a great time together, so I say wait. Continue to do what you’re doing. You might think about asking him sometime soon what he thinks would be fun to do with the family’s just to get him thinking and a little more active in the input. I think as this plays on, he will step up. Give him the assurance in little ways that you are interested. One side note I might ask. Do you two ever talk about dating other people? This could be a big sign in a situation like this. If the two of you don’t talk about other people dating etc… then we really know which direction this is heading. If you can stand it, be patient, you’ve got a really great situation with him, it’ll be worth the wait. Good luck Mitzi!