Aging Mother Moving in with Daughter and Family-

Mar 21, 2011 1:24pm

Dear Liz, Heeelllllpppppp! My mother who is 86 and has recently moved in with me. She could no longer live on her own. My husband just went back to work after being laid off for almost two years and needless to say we are financially falling apart. I just applied for a job and they want to hire me, but my problem is what about my mother. The hours are 9 to 6:30, Mon. Tues. and Wed. Thurs. off and Fri. 7 to 4. Weekends off.  I am afraid to leave her home alone. She says she can cook for herself but I know she will have a hard time. As for having someone come in on a daily bases would be too expensive. So I am left with GUILT!!!!!!!! Should I take this job or not? We could sure use the money! But I know my mother needs me too! PLEASE HELP ME!!!!! Sincerely Diane

Branford / CT


Diane- This is an issue so many people in our country are having, I so feel for you, and hope I can help.  She’s your mother! There has to be a way to make this work. 

I don’t think you should turn down the job opportunity. The first thing you might do, is see if there is any way you can get some assistance for your mom part-time. I know you say you can’t afford this, but she’s not sick.

This person could be a college student, or someone looking for extra money (which we know there are many). A babysitter price.  The cost wouldn’t be too high, and you could limit the hours, leaving your mom alone only some of the time. It might be realistic to imagine someone coming in to help- Mon. Tues. and Wed. from noon to 3:00 or 4:00.  You make breakfast and ask the sitter to do lunch and a late snack before she leaves, and hold dinner till you get home.  This way the help she really needs is there for her.  Fridays the sitter could come in for two hours check in make sure all is well.  In all, that would be about 14 hours a week- If you add up the hours and money you make, then figure in the cost for your mom it might end up being something you can actually afford. If not, you can think about the assistance you can get for her for no charge. Do you have siblings or other relatives who might be able to help you with her care?

It’s so important that you be able to find a balance here.  Hiring the assistance may really be worth a lot to you. You may come to learn she can be alone more than you thought…or not.

Diane, you are an incredibly generous person, I can’t say it enough.  Try and make this work in a way that will keep your life where you need it. 

If you can, you might look into any of the locally funded senior assistance programs in your neighborhood. I checked out a few in your City, they are limited, but worth trying!

Great things for you moving forward!




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