Wedding Dilemma! Courthouse or Ceremony?

By Liz Pryor

Dear Liz, my boyfriend and I are constantly having this disagreement: when we decide to finally get married how should we go about doing it?  I would like a traditional small wedding where I can wear a white gown, have my father walk me down the aisle and even have a photographer. He, on the other hand ,wants to go to the courthouse and do a quickie wedding, i.e. no more than 20 guests, go out to a restaurant for our reception, and no photographer. The majority of his family agrees with him as well. They also all have had weddings at a courthouse.  How do we finally come to a compromise so we can both be happy?

Nashville, Tennessee

Hi there in Nashville, I actually had to re-read this question several times before realizing that you are not engaged.  You are posing this for when and if you get engaged, which is a whole different story.  However, if you were engaged, this is what I would say.  The actual “event” of the wedding is typically the “bride's” vision.  I trust you’ve explained to your boyfriend how important this is to you, and how you have a vision for this day.

 My straight-up, honest advice is to get your guy to understand the gravity of this day for you.  The compromise can be made in a fewer number of guests, and a more casual reception.  But to not be able to walk down the aisle with your dad is simply not a reasonable request on his part. I think he should suck it up and show his love and commitment by understanding that what matters here is the fact that you  two have decided to share the rest of your lives together. This is one day in your life, and if his sentiment to his own wedding day consists of a courthouse quickie…I can see no reason why you couldn’t reasonably ask him to give this to you.  Give you the traditions and idea’s you have in mind for this day in your lives.  I think there are plenty of ways to scale it down if that is what he cares about.  But a ceremony is a must, clearly for you.  This is a GREAT first challenge to work through with the man you are going to spend the rest of your life with.  And I highly advise you do not back down here.  If he can’t see his way to allowing his bride to carry out some of her vision for her wedding day, this is something you want to know now. 

The fact that he has weighed in with his family about this decision before you are even engaged is odd to me.   I would expect if this man really wants to marry you, after he asks you, he will no doubt do the right thing when the times comes, and the right thing is, to listen to his bride about what she needs on this one day!!

Happy trails- stick to your guns!!

Liz