Soiled Sheets: A Confession

Sep 20, 2011 10:41am

I have a confession.

Ellie peed on my sheets.

No.  That is not the full confession.

We were getting ready to leave for Grand Central Station to head out to Mimi and Papa’s house this weekend, and like a good mom, I decided to change her diaper before we left — even though we were running late AND I had yet to consume my morning coffee.

So I changed her on my bed, as I always do because I don’t have (room for) a changing table and when I put her in her crib, she screamed very loudly, so the bed it is.

I took her wet diaper off and I could have possibly checked my Blackberry before reaching for a clean diaper.   When I lifted her little chubby butt up to re-diaper her — it happened.

She peed everywhere.

Before you excuse my lack of good diaper-changing judgment, you must know that is still not the full confession.

I changed her entire wet outfit and put a new diaper on her and then I soaked up the pee on the sheets with a towel.  I threw the towel on the side of the hamper, threw Ellie in the front pack and ran out the door to catch the train — and grab a cup of coffee.

While on the Metro North train out to Connecticut I did two things I am sort of embarrassed by.

And since, for some bizarre reason, over-sharing my life actually makes me feel better about embarrassing moments, I will share them with you.

1.  I used the bathroom on MetroNorth while Ellie was strapped to me in the front pack.  Anyone that has been in one of those MetroNorth bathrooms knows why this is such a terrible act. It was either that, or leave Ellie with the hung over/possibly still drunk kid sitting next to us.

2.  Using that bathroom made me think about the pee on my bed sheets and I thought — “God, I hope that pee does not smell and is dry by the time I get back home.”

Stop judging! Okay, only people with kids can judge.  People with kids.  Who live at home.  Who are under the age of five…(That is not you, Mom)

Okay, here is the thing – I had just changed my sheets the day earlier.

And it is virtually impossible to change my sheets when Ellie is awake – and I can’t change them when Ellie is sleeping because we share a room.

And fine, maybe I have always hated changing sheets…perhaps it is true that months went by without doing so in college, exposing my lack of respect for cleanliness and hygiene.

But someone (my registered nurse Mom) told me that pee is actually sterile, so really what is the big deal?

Here is the final part of the confession – when I came back to my apartment on Monday — my wish had been granted.

And I still haven’t changed the sheets.

Okay — now I feel better.

Or a whole lot worse.

But if I never told you and you slept over, you would never have been able to tell that Ellie peed on my sheets.   Regardless of that fact, now that I have outted myself — I promise I will change them tomorrow.

Post Script:

MOM (aka the cleanest person I have ever met) I know this disgusts you terribly — but might I remind you that, the nose ring I got when I was 22 had the same impact on you, and you moved past that…so…

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