Frozen food is a solid unless it’s melted. Oh. Thanks for that. So split pea soup is dangerous, but when peas are frozen hard as BBs that could be fired using compressed air from a concourse fire extinguisher, they are perfectly safe.

Gels are dangerous, unless they are in your bra, in which case they are reclassified as “sexy gels” which are completely safe. (What if you had gel in your bra, but you wore it as earmuffs, would it become unsafe again?)

You can’t take “sharp objects” through security, but if you break the pull handle off your rolling bag and sharpen the end into a spear once inside security, that’s ok?

Seriously, I’d like to have the Mythbusters do an episode where they make weapons out of stuff you find on an airport concourse in order to show how pointless the TSA’s multi-billion-dollar traveler-harassment program really is.