The Day My Maternal Instinct Was Born
Upon lying down on the procedure table at my OB’s office on the occasion of my very first-ever ultrasound, I had a serious case of the nervous butterflies. Doctor’s offices typically make me tense as it is, but the pending viewing of my little nugget-of-a-baby growing within my growing gut was pretty nerve wracking. Of course I was also over the moon with excitement, but worries about the baby’s health were tapping away, as were wont to do in my hypochondriacal mind.
With my husband by my side, my body in an awkward position and that gooey, gelatinous goo all over my belly, I tried to settle into my breathing. I watched in awe as the sonographer maneuvered her magic camera over me. As she proceeded to point out various body parts, which were still in their very earlier forms, she hovered over one particular gray splotch. In a very succinct cadence, the splotch moved ever so slightly; it beat, I guess I should say.
“That is your baby’s heart,” the sonographer said.
Flood gates.
My emotions, nerves, and excitement all came together, in that moment, in perfect harmony, as I watched and wept to the inaudible but visible sound of my baby’s heartbeat. It was music to my ears. The baby was real, and alive, and we had made her.
The miracle of life, inside of me, making little sweet music.
At that point we still didn’t know the sex but I just knew it was going to be a girl. Either way, boy, girl, whatever, it had a heartbeat, and that’s all that mattered in that moment.
My mind danced. It jetéd through time to a day in the far future when that heart would be falling in “love” for the first time, and then inevitably having his or her heart broken. All in a matter of seconds, that kid had had developed a crush, had a first date, a first kiss, and a first break-up. Since I had such intense, boy-crazy, drama-ridden experiences in my youth, I figured that if my kid was anything like me, we’d all be in trouble.
My own heart ached a little bit to think of that little heart ever feeling loss, of any kind, knowing that I would only be able to stand close, with a hug or a kiss or a kind word. I would do my best to protect, by matters of the heart just happen.
It was the birth of my maternal instinct; my internal mother hen.
Just then I felt some sort of a pang, not quite a kick, but maybe an eye roll, that snapped me back to reality. I gathered my composure as she continued on squeegeeing my belly, unaware that I had just experienced the best, most memorable moment of my pregnancy.
I had such an incredible experience during my pregnancy that I am thrilled to be a part of an outstanding program sponsored by ABC called the Million Moms Challenge. Their mission is to help women and children around the world survive and thrive. You can read more about the mission here.
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This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Million Moms Challenge. The opinions and text are all mine. Contest runs September 19 to October 16, 2011. A random winner will be announced by October 18, 2011.