I don’t think that I’ll ever forget the wonderfully sweet feeling I felt when I first held each of my children. I remember feeling such an outpouring of love for the tiny little bundle of goodness laying in my arms and thinking how wonderful it was to have such a bundle. I remember feeling like everything must be right in the world and that I was the luckiest mama around. It’s a feeling like no other.
Holding my twins for the first time was different. I felt that same sweet feeling and outpouring of love, but I also felt the fear of “what if”. What if they hadn’t made it? What if I had been unlucky and didn’t have my babies to hold? What if they didn’t learn how to do all the things that babies do like suck and swallow and maintain their own body temperature? What if, what if, what if.
I worried about their health and wondered if they were hurting. I wondered when they’d be well and when I would feel comfortable holding them without fear of hurting them. I remember hurting myself (from the C-Section) and feeling such a rush of conflicting emotions, that I just wanted to cry.
I recall shaking and feeling like I was going to die, but knowing that seeing my babies in the NICU was where I wanted and needed to be. I remember seeing my teeny tiny babies next to babies that were even teenier and tinier than they were and feeling so thankful. Thankful that my babies made it as long as they did and thankful that I was able to hold them when that is not the norm. Most of all, I remember feeling such an outpouring of love for my little miracles. I felt thankful for the gift of having them in my life. I remember kissing their little heads and hands and feet and marveling that they were really here. I remember the feeling I felt being pure and intense just like with my other children, only this time, it was with a renewed perspective and I realized what a true gift they really were.
Childbirth is such an incredible moment, and I’d love to know what went through your mind when you held your baby for the first time? By replying, you will be entered to win an exclusive Million Moms Challenge Gift Pack, which includes an iPad2, a custom-made Million Moms Challenge pendant and a $50 donation in your name to Global Giving.
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This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Million Moms Challenge. The opinions and text are all mine. Contest runs October 17 to November 13, 2011. A random winner will be announced by November 15, 2011.