Hoping for a Santorum Surprise

By Amber Porter

Jun 6, 2012 12:42pm

Even though it’s been nearly two months since Rick Santorum announced that he was suspending his presidential campaign, he proved yesterday that he still knows how to play to a crowd. He tweeted on Monday, teasing, “I have a big announcement coming on Friday! Stay tuned!” and piqued interest for what the next chapter of Santorum might look like.

While sources close to Santorum say he will announce the launch of an organization he will use to pursue a set of social issues he has fought for during much of his political career, here are a few more (non-political) ideas that he may want to consider on the side. Who knows, he may surprise us all.

Open a Car Dealership

“The Chuck Truck” became its own character in the primary, the unofficial vehicle-slash-mascot that was driven through all 99 counties in Iowa by Santorum campaign volunteers.  It would be the perfect mascot for a used car dealership, where Santorum would specialize in selling only Dodge Rams with over 100,000 miles.

Buy a Sweater Vest Factory

The obvious candidate would be the woolen mill in Bemidji, Minn., that Santorum toured back in February. Create American jobs, solidify his status as a blue-collar hero, and make a run for mayor wearing the garment that made it all possible.

Buy a Pizza Ranch franchise

The home of the “legendary” pizza and salad buffet was a favorite of the Santorum campaign. Santorum gave his final pitch before the Iowa Caucus to voters at a Pizza Ranch in Altoona, Iowa. As his rally took over the restaurant, he invoked its menu to implore caucus-goers to vote for him, saying, “It will not be Pizza Ranch pizza, you will walk out of those caucuses hungry. Walk out of those caucuses like you just ate at a Pizza Ranch buffet.” And with an investment of around $1 million to buy in to a franchise, the Red, White and Blue fund may have enough for a down payment.

Launch a Bowl Across America Tour

Some may argue that bowling is America’s sport. Some may argue that bowling is not a sport at all, but either way Rick Santorum proved on the campaign trail that he had game. He bowled three strikes in a row at a rally in Sheboygan, Wis., and bowled his way across the rest of the state leading up to the primary there. While he may not get to use the lanes at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., he could still show off his skills while talking social issues at alleys across the US.   Or he could …

Join the Professional Bowlers of America Tour

We’re not sure his skills are quite up to professional par, but then again maybe he’s spent the last two months practicing. And the PBA Senior U.S. Open (for bowlers over 50) finishes up on Friday, the same day as Santorum’s announcement. Coincidence?

Whatever we hear on Friday, it will likely be aimed at exciting the base and extending his message on social issues and not, sadly, extolling the virtues of all-you-can-eat casual dining.

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