Small Business Builder: How To Say 'Thanks'

"Hi, Winthrop. I called to thank you for showing Pearl and me around yesterday. I've never seen such an efficient operation."

Whether or not your gratitude carries a hidden agenda, it should remain just that — hidden, that is, at least in your thank-you note, phone call or conversation.

No, Thanks: Pitfalls to Avoid

Want to say thanks and simultaneously offend, disgust or embarrass the giver? There are many ways to do so.

"Is this Hazel? Hi, this is Bennie. Thanks for taking me to lunch yesterday. Are you ready to come on board and support my candidacy for association vice president?"

In this case, Bennie violated the Code of Expressing Appreciation, rule number one: Say thanks, period. If you piggyback your agenda onto your thank-you message, it changes from "you are important" to "you're important as long as you do the following things … "

"Dear Athena: Thanks for the many extra hours you put in helping at the trade show. Your dollar-an-hour raise starts today. And take tomorrow off." Likewise, "Hi, Jethro. This is Tony. I really enjoyed lunch at the Press Club yesterday. How about joining me next week as my guest at the golf tournament?"

What's wrong here? Code of Expressing Appreciation rule number two is firm: The "thanker" must never put the "thankee" under additional obligation. The point isn't to even the score, it's to let the recipient enjoy feeling noble or generous, for a while at least.

It truly is "more blessed to give than to receive," according to research indicating preference for being the benefactor. So give Athena her day off and her raise, but either wait to convey the news or ask someone else to do it. Call Jethro to thank him, then make a note to call him in a few weeks.

"Oh, I couldn't possibly accept it, it's much too expensive." "You like this dress? It looks like a map of Connecticut!"

Code of Expressing Appreciation rule number three: Accept gifts and compliments with thanks. Exceptions: inconvenient, insulting or intrusive gifts (a vehicle that carries an insurance premium higher than your current car payment; "dinner for two" with someone you abhor; filmy lingerie from a professional acquaintance).