|Parents of Murdered Kids in Nanny Case May Find 'Joy' in Pregnancy|
|By GILLIAN MOHNEY (@gillianmohney)||May 17, 2013, 3:05 PM|
The mother of two children allegedly killed by their nanny last fall is pregnant again, and their story might provide an example for other bereft parents that life can still go on, according to experts.
Last October, Marina Krim came home after a swimming lesson with her 3-year-old daughter, Nessie, to find the bodies of her 2-year-old son, Leo, and her 6-year-old daughter, Lulu, in a bathtub. Their nanny, Yoselyn Ortega, was charged with their murder.
On Thursday, Krim and her husband, Kevin Krim, announced they were expecting a baby.
In a post on the Facebook page for the Lulu and Leo Fund, an arts education fund created in honor of their children, the couple wrote they were "filled with many emotions as we look to the future, but the most important one is hope."
For parents who have experienced such a traumatic loss, experts say, a pregnancy can help with the grieving process even as it brings up other emotions.
"They still have a family [they] get to love and cherish and enjoy," said Dr. Marlene Maron, chief psychologist for Fletcher Allen Medical Center in Burlington, Vt."They are more appreciative than most of us who can whine and complain about the annoying things the people we love do. …You really become very grateful for every good day."
While the Krims have not given interviews, they've used Facebook to write about memories of their children and how they've dealt with their grief.
On Mother's Day, Marina Krim wrote about putting up sand dollars she had collected with her children on an earlier vacation.
"We lovingly collected over 100 sand dollars along Playa Coco during that trip," she wrote. "Lulu was a particularly good and dedicated shell hunter. ... Mounting [the shells] on the wall this morning was therapeutic for me and a perfect way to connect with my angels this Mother's Day."
Maron said that the couple's decision to write about their grief on a social network site can help them through their traumatic loss by allowing online commentators to offer words of support or share their own stories, as well.
"That honors the memory of the child, but also helps you with their healing," said Maron. "[When] other people are writing, then there's the shared collective experience."
The post announcing Marina Krim's pregnancy already had more than 5,000 "likes" as of midday Friday.
While Maron said writing about loss can be helpful for some couples, she cautioned that everyone grieves differently and, even if parents decide to have another baby, it does not mean they will ever "get over" a child's death.
"There's no such thing as getting over the loss of a child. There's no such thing as moving on or having closure," said Maron. "[But even knowing] what could happen, you will have new joys."
Maron added that, for couples like Marina and Kevin Krim who still have to care for a surviving child or decide to have another child, the day-to-day tasks of being a parent can help pull them out of the grief.
"Kids need predictability and routine," said Maron. "These parents are parents. Being parents [can] help them recover."