June 11, 2013 -- So you're a Jay Z fan. (Who isn't?) And you've just had a baby. (Who hasn't?) And you really want your kid to love Jay Z, so you pre-order his "new album" -- lullaby renditions of some of his biggest hits.
Being the responsible parent that you are, you would never play the original "Big Pimpin'" for your infant's angel ears -- and we applaud you for being a cautious caretaker -- but what if you could spend the cheese on a xylophone-laced, instrumental, nursery lullaby version of Jay-Z's hit?
Rockabye Baby! -- a company that makes lullaby renditions of "baby's favorite rock bands" -- is giving your favorite Jay-Z songs the lullaby treatment. Apparently babies love rock music (like Black Sabbath's "Paranoid"), and now they love rap too!
What baby-making songs are being made into shut-your-baby-up music? "Big Pimpin'" is on the list (of course) as well as: "I Just Wanna Love U (Give It 2 Me)" and "Can't Knock The Hustle". And you know every baby will be bobbing his/her head to hits like "Young Forever" and "Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)".
Mary had a little lamb? No way. This Mary had an Escalade and an American Express Black Card.
Rockabye Baby! isn't the only rock-lullaby provider out there, although they have the widest selection. There's a few volumes of Lullaby Rock, which feature lullaby versions of The Beatles and Led Zeppelin. They keep the tracklist pretty classic. But let's say you want your baby to fall asleep to Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" or Taylor Swift's "Fifteen" (instrumental of course); then Cradle Rock is for you. But if you want your baby to know who Jigga is, then Rockabye Baby! is the only way to go.
In case you're wondering, Rockabye Baby! also offers lullaby renditions of The White Stripes, Blur, Rush, Kiss, Prince, and too many more. What are the negative effects of playing rock and rap instrumentals for your babies? Probably none. How are these babies livin' as adults? In mansions and Benzes.
The biggest positive to come out of this release are all the great Jay-Z/baby-related puns popping up online. For example, one site called the album educational: "At least your baby will be learning to spell: H to the izz-O, V to the izz-A." Spin called it "the blueprint for nap time". Music site Consequence of Sound writes, "You crazy for this one, baby!" The Rockabye Baby! website even jokes, "You may have 99 problems, but a crying baby ain't one."