Notre Dame Debuts Fragrance. But What Does Your School Smell Like?

PHOTO: Notre Dame: the FRAGRANCE
Elsa/Getty Images

Exciting news! The University of Notre Dame is getting its own line of signature scents! There's the ND Gold Eau de Toilette for Biff and Chadwick, and the Lady Irish Eau de Parfum for Betty and Khaleesi, as well as scented shower gel, body lotion, body wash, and aftershave gel. No word on what "scent notes" will be included, but our secret source says it'll smell like green apple, freesia, laundry, a single grain of sand, and the marshmallow dust at the bottom of a box of Lucky Charms.

But why should Norte Dame have all the fun, amiright? I asked my Fusion co-workers to send me the names of their schools and some suggestions about what they might smell like. Then, I worked closely with a company that excels at marketing unnecessary scents to moneyed alumni to come up with some pretty quality fragrances for each one. Check it out:

Sage Ross/Flickr

Yale presents a line of deliciously delectable post-shower (PoSho) body gels. Scent notes include a touch of stolen Peruvian artifacts and a whiff of unchecked privilege. Hashtag yummy!

PHOTO: Columbia
Be The Change, Inc/Flickr

This luxurious body butter is perfect for the young New Yorker on the go, whether you're in a cab or avoiding taking cabs because of your crippling student debt. #Luxe! This creamy, dreamy whipped goodness smells like protests, strikes, sit-ins, bake sales, and discovering that Williamsburg exists. #YumYum!

Alex Abboud/Flickr
University of Pittsburgh

What's in a name, hunty? Could a scent that's named "Pitt" smell good? The jury is in and the answer is MAYBE. This vitamin-enriched gelatinous body substance smells like Pitt's mascot, the panther, and it's number one extracurricular activity, sex with panthers. Perhaps you've heard of it? #Grrrrowl

PHOTO: Colgate
Colgate University/Flickr

Remember college? Me neither. Celebrate it with these #sensually #seductive scent pellets, reminiscent of sticky frat house floors. Notes include Funyuns, athletic socks, Solo cups, and burnt hair. #Woo

Florida State

Axe Body Spray

PHOTO: Cornell

Ithaca is gorges, baby. That's a pun and a #joke. But you won't be a #joke if you wear this fragrance. Live from (Ithaca) New York, a summer-winter blend of COLD. YES, these scented novelty soaps smell like COLD. #COLD

PHOTO: UT at Austin
Nick Sherman/Flickr
University of Texas at Austin

Hey #bb, don't mess with Texas. But do mess with this salacious fragrance with notes of smoked meat, breakfast burritos, oil refineries, and a special herbal blend, #winkwink. You've probably never heard of it. Or, if you have, we definitely heard about it before you did.

UC Davis Gateways/Flickr
UC Davis

A cow.

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