Internet Showoffs: Don't Be Like These Fashion Victims

PHOTO: Arm party, you guys! #barf
Google image search

If I never read the term "arm party" again, it'll be too soon. Look, guys, of course some of us are going to want to look and see at what other people are wearing, especially if they happen to be particularly stylish and/or ridiculous. But there's a difference between someone who shows off an interesting way of pulling off the color block trend and someone who just wants to make sure you know his shoes cost more than all your internal organs on the black market.

It's tacky, it's materialistic, and it's got to stop.

This week's Internet Show-Offs: Materialists 2.0

PHOTO: Is she a model?
The Hashtag-Abusing Fashionista

Chances are, you know one of these ladies (or gents!) and follow her on Instagram and/or Facebook because you went to third grade together and it'd be kind of awkward and unnecessarily dramatic to unfollow her at this point. But, oh boy, her posts. She'll routinely post images of her jewelry, shoes, clothes, hair products, nail art, discarded hair extensions, eyelash glue, and Swarovski-encrusted merkin irons with anywhere from sixten to twenty-seven thousand hashtags. So after you've learned that you're looking at an image of a #luxe #cute #Gucci #armparty, you can also ascertain that it's #kewt #jealousmuch and #princess. Nice.

PHOTO: RED BOTTOMS is "murder" spelled backwards.
The Envy Seeker

They're not just shoes; they're Louboutins. That's not a purse; it's a Birkin. It's not a watch, guys; it's a Rolex. And you had better notice it, because why else is this person literally thousands of dollars in debt and contorting so you can tell their heels have red bottoms? Ugh.

PHOTO: Haulin!
YouTube search
The Haul Addict

Haul videos consist of little more than people showing off stuff they bought. And, sure, sometimes these can be useful -- it's nice to see what a fabric on an item you've been eyeing looks like in person, or how the fit might differ on a mannequin versus an actual, clothes-wearing human being. But most of the time, these are just, like, "I have stuff" and also "Isn't it neat? Wouldn't you think my collection's compete?" And, as we all know too well, material things don't bring you human legs so you can live on the land with a stranger you met that one time. Or happiness. Neither of those.

PHOTO: #fashion #beauty #eleganza
Doing it Right


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