Fear Not Loyal Subjects: Royal Baby Won't Be Held Back By Gender [SATIRE]

July 22, 2013— -- Kate Middleton and Prince William are expecting their first born any minute now. While in the past, the first born had to be male in order to inherit the throne, a ruling in April known as the Succession to the Crown Act of 2013 now allows the royal baby to ascend regardless of gender.

It's nice to see royalty being granted the same benefits as everyone else-- a chance to excel regardless of sex! It doesn't matter that they wear panties over briefs, the royal baby will finally receive all the treasures he or she is entitled to! Feminism wins again!

Wait, what does royalty do?

Elise Roedenbeck is a writer and comedian who frequently smells nice and showers often.