Caitlyn Jenner: How I Conquered My Biggest Fear at the ESPYs

In her own words, Jenner details the epic night and what scared her the most.

Hi friends. What a week. Let me just start by saying, I’m so happy it’s over! What a relief.

Getting glamorous for the ESPYs was a big process to go through, but it was amazing and so much fun. I really wanted to feel real comfortable up there (although there was a corset under that dress, so I don't know how comfortable I was!). I wanted to feel good. I wanted to feel pretty. I wanted to be myself.

I didn’t watch the ESPYs live because I would start to lose it and I had to go out in front of all of those people! So I stayed backstage, got ready, and walked in on the commercial break before the award was presented. The video piece before my speech was so well done. I have to thank Rebecca Gitlitz and the team at Maggievision who produced it. She put so much time and energy and traveled all across the United States to do that. I couldn’t let myself get too emotionally invested while watching it during the show because I knew I’d lose it.

Reading my speech off of the teleprompter was a whole other story. As a dyslexic kid, my biggest fear in life was to go in front of the class and read because I just wasn't very good at it -- and that stays with you through your whole life. That’s why all of my speaking engagements through the years have been always off the cuff. I'm better off getting up there knowing what I'm going to say and doing it. But at the ESPYs, I really had to stick to the prompter because I only had a certain number of minutes to make it right, to get my points across. I practiced, and practiced, and practiced, and practiced to make sure I’d nail it.

There's a great line that I heard a long time ago: “Success is not measured by heights attained but by obstacles overcome.” For me to go out in front of a group like that and to do the whole thing off of the teleprompter was huge.

I did improvise a couple of little pieces in there. The piece on my mom was improvised and so was the little joke I had in the beginning. I had to do that joke. They weren't sure that it was going to work, but I knew that I had to do it for me, just to get out of the mindset I would be in after that emotional video.

The toughest part in the speech was my kids. It was hard to look over there and see all of my children. As I said in the speech, I don't want to hurt anybody. I just want to be myself. I barely got through that.

I was able to get off the stage without tripping and I went upstairs and had a party. All of my family and friends -- oh, it was such a relief because it was over. I could relax at the party. It was just a wonderful moment.

I left the festivities early so that I could actually watch the ESPYs because it's three hours delayed here in California. It was a little difficult for me to watch myself. While I felt like I looked great and that the gown looked fabulous, I still have a voice issue. It's not quite right compared to my feminine appearance. That bothers me a little bit. However, I hope that people don't listen to the pitch of my voice, but listen to what I have to say. That's important to me.

Before I leave you this week, I’d like to thank the ESPYs and the show's executive producer, Maura Mandt. Maura was so behind this, even with the little bit of the controversies. She knew it was the right thing to do. Also, I want to thank my dear friend and publicist, Alan Nierob, who has been instrumental in everything you’ve seen from me this year.

Lastly, thank all of you for your support. Getting up there on stage in front of the whole world was no easy feat, but I so appreciate your encouragement and love. We're changing hearts and minds one at a time.

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