— -- So we’re still not certain what it’s called, but what we do know now is Chelsea Handler’s new Netflix talk show will premiere May 11 and air three times a week -- Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
Handler herself revealed the news in a handwritten memo to herself that’s part press release and part random musings, but all hilarious.
Among the notes: “I know it’s hard for you, but waking up is a great way to start the day”; “... put a little more thought into what you say this time around”; and, because the show will stream around the world, “keep a deeper, more culturally sensitive perspective. Especially towards the Germans, they’re still touchy about everything they did.”
Handler’s E! talk show, "Chelsea Lately," ended its seven-year run 18 months ago. Last January, Netflix premiered a four-episode documentary series titled "Chelsea Does," that saw Handler examine marriage, racism, Silicon Valley and drugs.
Here’s the full text of Handler’s press release:
This is your new show schedule, so if you’re thinking about having a baby -- DON’T. Your new show will be on every WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY and FRIDAY on NETFLIX. 30 minutes, 3x a week, NO COMMERCIALS.
--I know it’s hard for you, but waking up is a great way to start the day.
--You’ll be barreling around the world and learning new things, all courtesy of NETFLIX. Treat this as an opportunity to get the college education you forgot to get.
--Sign up for Netflix.
--When introducing respected public figures, ask yourself, “What would Byron Allen do?” Then, do the opposite.
--Once an episode is up and streaming on Netflix, it will be available until the end of time, so put a little more thought into what you say this time around.
--You’ll be streaming in 196 countries, so remember to keep a deeper, more culturally sensitive perspective. Especially towards the Germans, they’re still touchy about everything they did.
--You wanted a new show, you got it. You wanted to be on Netflix, you are. You wanted to spread your wings, now fly, B----.
PREMIERES MAY 11.
P.S. It’s an election year. Good timing, girl.