Did the King of Pop Father a Child the Old-Fashioned Way?

Aug. 26 — -- I'm lying on my back, the sun beating down on me. It's hot, but not humid hot… sexy hot.

I hear waves breaking and am deliriously tranquil in my tropical oasis. A dark shadow begins to form a veil over my eyes. I look up and can barely make out the Adonis-like figure that is slowly descending upon me (who needs to see the face, really?).

I feel the heat of this muscular body and think, "Oh boy, this is gonna be good … Take me. Take me now."

Then, I hear a voice … a woman's voice. It's garbled at first, but the words are clear as I begin to focus.

It is Nancy O'Dell on Access Hollywood, and she's saying Michael Jackson is a father again.

I am now awake from my blissful state, shattered and confused. I quickly realize I'm on the couch, alone, in front of the television, and I've just heard that Michael Jackson has gotten hold of another child.

Poof! A New Child

Enter the sound of screeching brakes. My brain has just crashed into the inside of the front of my head. I'm up from the couch in one giant motion and I'm pacing the floor. Gone is the sand that was wedged precariously under my bottom. Instead, there is now old carpet under my feet as I pace the living room floor. I've gone from ecstasy to utter disbelief.

Here's what they know, as originally reported by People. It's a boy, 6 to 7 months old. Jackson has allegedly named the kid "Prince Michael II." He has told friends that the child was conceived "the natural way."

Picture me doing a Roger Rabbit when I say, "Holy cow! What's going on here?!"

Many of you know that I'm not Michael Jackson's biggest fan, talent aside. I've tried to leave him alone on a personal level, despite the obligation I have to make the masses truly aware of his heinous behavior.

For the most part, I've truly tried to focus my efforts elsewhere. But I have to call a major flag on the play of life when a child gets brought into the mix. For Pete's sake (and believe me, I'd like to use far more descriptive language here), the guy already has two kids being raised under undeniably odd conditions.