Excerpt: 'Lighten Up' By Peter Walsh

Author Peter Walsh discusses how to live happily with less.

ByABC News via logo
December 27, 2010, 1:46 PM

Jan. 3, 2010 — -- The new year is the perfect time to clean out your financial closet. In his new book "Lighten Up" author Peter Walsh helps his readers face their financial fears and learn how to live happily with less.

Read an excerpt of the book below and then check out the "GMA" Library for more great reads.

Perhaps you're reading this while browsing in a bookstore. Ifso, glance over at the woman across the way when she's not looking, the one scanning titles of books on a table and searching for her next engrossing read. She's well dressed, appears healthy and happy, and looks intelligent and strong willed, someone who could be a friend or neighbor. You can't picture this woman as someone who feels extraordinarily lost and as emotionally bankrupt as her bank account. She is estranged from her husband and friends, disconnected from her children, stifled by debt, angry and resentful at how much her life has changed in recent years, and terrified that she'll never get back to that place where money was abundant and she felt so in control of her life. But if you were to follow her home and get to know this woman, you'd find that her looks defy everything about her. She doesn't know who she is anymore, and in fact can't find her way"home."

She's got mail dating back three months that she hasn't opened for fear of another past-due notice. Her teenage children have no idea that their college funds have been squandered and there's noOvernight, all bets were off. Now the fear of losing their home looms large. They have burned through their savings and much of their retirement money. The woman does whatever she can to soothe her overwhelming anxiety, trying to find pleasure in boutiques and clothing stores—anything to put a damper on her emotional pain and deepening depression. She can't stop shopping. She pawned some of her jewelry last week just to pay for basic living expenses this month and find more money for shopping. When she pulls out a credit card to make a small purchase for herself, she feels guilty on the one hand, and on the other, wonders when someone will come bail her out like the government did for Wall Street. Somehow she gets through each day by pushing the reality of her situation to the back of her mind. If she just doesn't think about it too much she can manage it.

This woman is not unlike millions who are struggling to make ends meet through tough financial times while at the same time trying to preserve their emotional well-being. She may even be like you. And you are like everyone else.

I don't need to remind you what's been going on in America since I last wrote a book. Treading water has become second nature as we attempt to recover from the worse financial fallout since the Great Depression. Technically, the most recent recession may have been declared over already, but that doesn't negate the fact so many of us are still stuck in its debris. Millions of people remain lost, disheartened, uninspired, debt-ridden, and frustrated by having to live on less. Some of us are paying the price of living deep in an orgy of consumption for the past decade—surviving giddily off of borrowed money and a kind of pay-as-you-go happiness. But others of us have just been bystander victims of the financial tsunami that has swept through the country. The combination of an unexpected job loss, medical crisis, and tumbling net worth due to the real estate decline, for example, can be enough to devastate even the strongest and savviestof financial planners. And this kind of financial change can steal not only your happiness, but also your sense of self.

Regardless of your unique story and experience these past couple of years, what's obvious, now, is that the time of personal reckoning has come: we need to change the way we think about our finances,our lives, and what brings us happiness and fulfillment. It's time to seriously clear out the psychological clutter tied to money and finances and the hurdles to happier lives that are running, railroading, or ruining our lives.

You can either continue living in denial or (and my guess is you're considering alternatives because you're reading this book) you can learn how to navigate this current tsunami that has affected all our lives and create a new path of hope, happiness, and well-being for you and your family. The old adage rings true and begs to be repeated: With crisis comes great opportunity. I honestly believe this and think that if we wallow in our collective problems and fail to see the chance for something great here, then we're seriously missing thepoint! That said, you must be brave enough to seize the opportunity. If you'll come along, together we can use that to our advantage.

Glance again at that lady standing nearby and now pretend that she turns to you and wonders what it's like to live your life. Your story might not be so extreme, but how much of what she sees on the outside contradicts what's hammering you on the inside? Do you lookIt almost always takes a crisis for people to make big changes in their lives. I hear from families all the time that their loved ones— parents, spouse, friends—are wrecking their lives with clutter, that it just can't go on like this anymore. The stuff they own has damaged the happiness they want. Well, we've reached the same kind of crisis with money. Even though it may fly in the face of what we've been conditioned to believe, owning more or the pursuit of more simply is not better, for ourselves, our families, our communities, or ourplanet. Worse still, the "more" that we chase might just be the single biggest reason that happiness escapes us. We need to reframe our attitudes toward our stuff and our happiness. We need to rethink howwe spend money and what's truly important if we want to improve the quality of our lives and the future of our families.

This very well may be the most important book I've written. Unlike my previous works, from It's All Too Much: An Easy Plan for Living a Richer Life with Less Stuff, which focused on physical clutter, to Enough Already!: Clear the Emotional and Mental Clutter to Create the Life You Want, which dealt with damaging mental and emotional clutter, this book comes at a time when people need to hear a clear and unambiguous message the most. It comes when tens of millions are wrestling with serious financial problems that invade everyThe news isn't all bad. I know that thousands, if not millions, of families are taking advantage of the downturn to reboot their values and their plans for their futures. This is a huge plus. We've lost money but we've found a sense of priority in our lives. We are more aware of the difference between needs versus wants and entitlements. We are increasingly conscious of our environment, and no longer have to drive the heftiest SUV on the road. We don't care for another 2,000 square feet of living space if we can live comfortably with what we have and pay our mortgage on time. We are more apt (more out of necessity than anything else) to tell our children that they won't be getting x, y, or z these holidays. And I sense that there is a growing awareness that less really can be more. That being thrifty, when done right, can be surprisingly liberating, pleasurable,and rewarding all the way down to our happiness centers. When I ask people which words describe how That said, our good intentions and renewed values can be undone easily by our ingrained habits and past decisions. Many of us may want to live on less but don't know how, having grown so accustomedto the pre-Recession world, and having attached our whole identities to what we own. We still cling to who we were or how much we had to spend before facing (or ignoring) today's realities, and we can't stop equating being happy with having more. We may secretly fight to keep up appearances while continuing to delude ourselves and let our relationships with loved ones erode because we can't talk to them about money and limitations. So how do we rectify this? How do we heal the great divide in our families and come togetheras a team to fulfill each other's dreams no matter what the economy throws at us? If you're feeling paralyzed by fear, overwhelmed by your money woes, and paying (figuratively, emotionally, and literally) for your past mistakes, how do you move forward and embrace this new world while you're still carrying all the baggage from the old world? Put simply, How do you live a life of abundance on less? What does that mean? How is this possible—without pretending or feeling that you're being forced to against your will? Can you reclaima financial life—and be happy—with significantly less?

You know what I'm going to say to that: Yes! Remember what I've always said: it's not about the stuff. Experience has shown again and again that if you focus on "the stuff," you are never going to getto the root cause of a cluttered, unhappy life. I say the same thing about the stuff of money and yourAnd that's exactly what we're going to do together in this book. In the same way that I conquered clutter in your home (and on your butt and in your mind) in my previous books, Lighten Up will help you to wade through your financial mess, and clear a path to financial health and emotional harmony. I can't guarantee you instanthappiness but I am going to show you how to live a life of abundance on less in a way that doesn't plunge you deeper into misery and despair, and my suspicion is that with a changed mind-set will come a sense of calm, authentic personal identity, and . . . yes . . .happiness. Your well-being doesn't have to be measured by monetary wealth. I'll show you how to capitalize on where you derive happiness, and help you to realize that your truest sources of pleasure and joy are actually free. I'm also going to help you see that what you already have is more than most people in previous generations ever dreamed about having, and with a little bit of mental and, in some cases, physical rearranging and reprioritizing, you can come to view If you know anything about me, you know that I tend to think a little differently than most. This book is no different. Most books that offer traditional financial advice and get-out-of-debt programs are a little like diet books. Everyone buys one, everyone reads one, pretty much no one has anything to show for them. Just like fad diets, their lessons are quickly forgotten. The problem is these books often shove the how-to at you without exploring the whys underlying your financial distress. It's like the first week of the New Year.We've all been there! You intend to exercise more, to eat better, and to get organized. All goes well for a few days until you hit the first hurdle: a late dinner with friends and one or two drinks more than you intended. The next morning you're too tired to get out of bed to exercise. Suddenly all those resolutions go south! We've all been there—probably many times. Without a realistic plan, a clear understanding of what's likely to trip you up and—most important—an honest assessment of why you want to make these changes in your life, change is unlikely. I want to teach you a lifestyle tuned to the optimal way to live within your means that will keep your life clutter free (and I mean that on every level of the word "clutter"—emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual).

Taking baby steps toward change will slowly alter how you feel, how your financial life looks, and how well you really are. In Part I, we'll explore what kind of life you imagine for yourself and where you think you derive your happiness. I'll challenge you to create a realistic vision for your life, reassess what the words "abundance," "needs," "wants," and "entitlements" mean to you, and help you to sketch out a mental blueprint for living out your newfound vision each and every day. Part II will help you use three personal audits togather information about your situation to instigate changes. This won't necessarily be easy. I'll ask you to face not just the physical stuff and concrete dollar signs, but I'll also ask you to excavate your"Just getting by" doesn't work anymore and you know it. It's time to get clear, get real, and get going. Sounds scary? Good! Exciting? Even better! I'll be arming you with all the tools you need to do this, including scripts to use with your partner and kids, specific To-Dos that you can put into practice immediately, exercises for helping you to learn the ropes to living a life of abundance on less, and practical information to create a real, achievable, and personal plan of action. Part III will then give you a checkup and maintenance plan for stayingon track with the vision you have for yourself in the real world.

Like I said, this won't be a walk in the park. You'll no doubt find yourself having tough conversations with yourself along the way, as well as difficult discussions with other people in your life, notablythe ones who share the same space and contribute to your well-being every day. I've never asked you in the past to sit a five-year-old down and tell him about your debt and what it means to him, or to enforce family meetings with a specific agenda that will stir debate and probably some seriously uncomfortable moments. I've also never asked you to take a personal audit and make the connection between the tension in your life and your everyday habits that aggravate that tension. Until now.

Take a deep breath. For everything you uncover about yourself and your family in this book there will be a clear solution that we craft together so you know what to do. I understand that living on less seems (and feels) unappealing and unnerving, but I'm going to help you change that so it becomes a source of immense power and enjoyment. Keep in mind that the lessons you learn and pass onto your children as you enlist It never ceases to amaze me how, by formulating a clear plan and embracing realistic change, my clients have watched their financial—and other—problems diminish and, in some cases, completely vanish. Among the hundreds of thankful letters that I receive routinely from people who've taken my ideas to heart, thereis a singular thought spoken many different ways: "This process has changed my life: I feel empowered and liberated from constant struggle. I'm enjoying the best relationships with my loved ones like never before." They not only share how their financial problems have cleared up since they started following my program, but their overall well-being—both physical and mental—has changed significantly for the better. Significantly.

Mark today as the beginning of a new life. A new sense of honesty with yourself and your world. Accept your past failures and let them inform this new life with resolve. I don't know anyone who hasn't felt jarred by the events over the last several years. The economic storm has ravaged through every demographic and every level of income. We may harbor ill feelings toward our financial institutions and government leaders, but at the end of the day, the change—the recovery—happens at home with you. What I want from everyone who reads this book is to find a greater sense of purpose and power to effect that change on an individual basis. It's within all of us. And yes, that peace, stability, security, and happiness is within you.

Excerpted from Lighten up/ Peter Walsh. Copyright © 2011 by Peter Walsh Design, Inc. Excerpted with permission by Free Press, a Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.