Advice Guru: Managing Matters of the Heart

Feb. 14, 2011 — -- I wonder if Valentine's Day doesn't come every year for the simple purpose of forcing each of us to take a glance at the love in our lives. Whether we're married, single, dating, not dating or even slightly dating. Valentine's Day's mere arrival onto the calendar forces you to ask yourself, like it or not, how is the love in your life?

An incredible amount of love relationship questions come in this time of year. How do I find love, nurture love, rekindle love, end it, test it, forgive it? We are inundated with love curiosity and eager to understand it more than we feel we do.

There were an abundance of the same questions asked recently by viewers; all presented in different ways and obviously through unique experiences. It is complicated and personal, but some of its' questions and affects are broad enough to speak to many.

For those of you wondering why the person you're with hasn't proposed marriage, and how long you should wait until he does, (and there are a lot of you). Here's the thing, no one can answer this question but you...for real. They can try. Your mom can tell you to leave now. I can tell you to leave in a week. But the truth is, you have do the work around this. Ask yourself the hard questions, work your heart through it, and find your answers.

Have you ever thought about why it is you want to be married so badly? And don't answer that so fast. Think about it. I say this because so often we just get used to thinking we want something and we begin to forget why. We change over time and grow and learn, yet our thoughts can remain. So remind yourself of who you are and why you want what you want.

Then you have to ask the big question. Does getting married mean enough to you to lose the person you love? This is a profoundly confusing dilemma, and can be answered a thousand different ways. After you have delved into all of this, and feel you understand your thoughts and your stance, then you can attempt to answer your own question.

During this process, if you can learn to surrender completely, meaning get off the "getting married" thing just for a period of time. And choose to focus on your relationship, just spend time and live in it. (You can promise yourself to go back later to being taken over by wanting to get married). There might begin to feel a shift. Changing your focus, can make a huge impact around you. Believe it or not, it can give you the room, and your relationship the air it needs, to move. The changes that can follow this quiet little choice might just shock you.

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