— -- Blame this guy for the following post: Michael J. Hudson had the questionable idea this past weekend of topping a frozen pizza with an entire tube of refrigerated cookie dough, and he documented the entire experience on Twitter.
It looks interesting and all, but we needed to know how it tasted. So we decided to head to the store and spend our Tuesday finding out. And while we were there, we figured we might as well experiment with a few other odd toppings, which is how my lunch became a frozen pizza topped with chocolate chip cookies, cinnamon buns, cheeseburgers and tater tots. Anything for the readers!
Cheeseburgers and Tater Tots
As one might expect, the cheeseburger was actually not bad -- just more bread, meat and cheese on top. This was the most obvious pairing, and could potentially make future sense for not-entirely sober late night snacks.
The tater tots, which were voted beforehand as most likely to succeed, unfortunately didn’t translate very well. The tots needed more time to crisp up, so they were a little underdone and the texture made for too much gooeyness in one bite. Had they been able to get nicely crisp, they may have won the day.
Cinnamon Buns and Chocolate Chip Cookies
The dark horse of this experiment was the cinnamon buns. The actual buns themselves were only a little sweet, and the cinnamon mixed fairly well with the tomato sauce, with the icing as a final hit for an intriguing sweet/savory mix. I wouldn’t make this again, but I also took a second bite.
And now, the reason for the entire post: chocolate chip cookies. The cookies practically melted into the pizza, integrating better than any other ingredient, but the sugary sweetness of the chocolate and cookie dough mixed with the spiciness and acidity of the oregano and tomato sauce from the pizza was, seriously, disgusting. Let’s just say this: don’t try this one at home.
Final verdict? I’m nauseated and definitely need some Pepto. Thanks for nothing, Michael J. Hudson, and you’re welcome, readers, for determining this is something you should never, ever do.