Tell Me Lies, Sweet Video Game Lies
— -- Did you know you could see Lara Croft in the buff in Eidos's Tomb Raider games? That renaming Final Fantasy VII's Aeris "Slut" would make her purr like a fille de joie ? That leaping over the flagpole in Super Mario Bros. doles out infinite lives? That if you collect all the fire flowers in the game, Mario gets a helicopter?
Lies, damned lies, each and every one. You can't run up the "endless stair" in Mario 64 and find Luigi. You can't make a Mii that looks like Shigeru Miyamoto in Mario Galaxy and received special missives from Daisy instead of Peach. There's no code to unlock the missing blood and fatalities in the censored Super Nintendo version of Mortal Kombat. And no, whatever WebMD wants to claim about the stress and cardiovascular benefits of sex, you can't get horizontal with the dancing strippers in Duke Nukem 3D and recover lost health points.
These lies and more are laid out in full at videogamelies.wikia.com, a curious little repository for what it dubs "[a] unique bit of video game culture."
Of course being a wiki, it's easily editable by any passerby, thus prompting the disclaimer "This is not a wiki for funny lies about video games that you just made up, or satirical articles about fake video games." I have no idea how many are quick-scribbled graffiti versus honest-to-goodness archival whoppers. What the site's missing is a sourcing system, though where you'd source from given the headless nature of viral heresies is anyone's guess.
Best lie?
"Duke Nukem Forever will be released one day."
Favorite lie?
"The Phantom. 'Nuff said."
Matt Peckham knows that if you buy a lap dance in Grand Theft Auto IV, Jack Thompson can hear your thoughts. He's wearing a tinfoil beanie at twitter.com/game_on.
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