Colbert: Oscars 'Could Be a Big One for Jon'

March 5, 2006 — -- Stephen Colbert carried Jon Stewart's water for years on "The Daily Show." So we turned to the man who now stars in his own show, "The Colbert Report," for his take on how his old boss should handle tonight's Oscars.

Stephen Colbert: I think it's great Jon's doing the Oscars. I would have been out there and done it with him, but I had to do "This Week with George Stephanopoulos." I made a promise and I don't go back on my word.

This could be a big one for Jon. After all, 10 [billion] to 15 billion people watch -- 20 [billion], 100 billion people -- watch the Oscars. And so this could be enormous for him. And if he fails, it could be terrible. This could be the end of his career.

I expect a lot of jokes on the war in Iraq, a lot of jokes on abortion. It's a funny word, like "guacamole." I say he'd probably do a lot of jokes on the refugees from Katrina.

Advice for Jon: OK, first off, do not look Russell Crowe in the eye. He sees it as a challenge. Two, get drunk, but not too drunk -- just fun drunk. Bring some hand sanitizer. A lot of people are going to want to shake your hand and you don't know where these stars have been.

Leave your mark on Hollywood. For instance, everybody calls Brad and Angelina Brangelina. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner already have the name Bennifer 2. But there's no name so far for William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman. I recommend Jon refer to them as Filliam H. Muffman, especially if she wins.

Most of all, I'm glad I'm talking about this today, because I think it is never too early to pre-judge someone's performance. Finally, I would just say, "Good luck," because I think he will fail. I think I can say that because I am his friend. Yeah, it's not going to work.