Tightrope: You don't have to choose between love, business

— -- Hi, Gladys,

I am a successful entrepreneur and have been for the past 18 years. I have never been married or in a truly committed relationship. I would love to find a decent guy. Usually when I meet someone we get along fine until he learns that I own a successful business. Thereafter the relationship starts to crumble.

I belong to a business and professional women's group and many of the successful women in the group have the same problem. Do I have to give up my business for love? Why can't we as women entrepreneurs have a successful business and a successful relationship at the same time? I'm sure you have heard about this problem before.

– A. N.

Yes, I have heard this complaint before. And, there are many ways of looking at possible solutions to this situation.

Recently I had dinner with a friend, whom I will call Sue. The owner a nutritional consulting company, she has been single for the past 10 years, following the death of her husband. Everytime we get together she comments on how lonely she is and how she wishes she could find a good man who wants to settle down.

Finally, I asked her why she hadn't found someone to her liking and she responded, "My business keeps me so busy I don't have the time to invest in the search for a relationship. Plus, every man I meet is either married, a loser or totally boring. And, when I meet someone that I like, he gets intimidated by my business success."

I told her that whether we believe it or not, people can feel where we are coming from before we hardly speak a word. I reminded her of the time that I went with her to buy a car. And as we looked under the hood and in the trunk, and got inside and sat behind the wheel, the car salesman gawked at us like we were idiots who knew nothing about buying a car. I reminded Sue how insulted she was and how she left that car dealer and purchased her car elsewhere.

We laughed as we recalled the event. I told Sue that the salesman never said anything derogatory or insulting to us but he made us feel uncomfortable. I went on to say that I felt certain that if I met a man who believed that all the women he met were either losers or totally boring, I would be able to feel his thoughts in the same way we felt the negative thoughts of the car salesman. Needless to say I would want nothing to do with that man.

Perhaps you might want to recheck the kind of energy you're putting out there toward men. I have witnessed women putting their bios on the table with the first date. I could be mistaken, but I don't think a man wants that on the first date.

There is a wonderful poem by poet and author Oriah called The Invitation. The opening passage goes like this:

" It doesn't interest me what you do for a living./ I want to know what you ache for/ and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing."

You can read the entire poem here.

After reading the poem, review your thoughts and feelings when dating; pay attention to both your verbal and non-verbal communication when you are out on a date.

No, you do not have to trade your business for a meaningful relationship. I believe that there is someone for you. When "the one" shows up you want to be ready and not make him run away. So check to make certain that you are not harboring thoughts and feelings that will find their way into your body language and words.

If this doesn't work for you, get back to me and we will explore other ideas.

Gladys Edmunds' Entrepreneurial Tightrope column appears Wednesdays. Click here for an index of her columns. As a single, teen-age mom, Gladys made money doing laundry, cooking dinners for taxi drivers and selling fire extinguishers and Bibles door-to-door. Today, Edmunds is founder of Edmunds Travel Consultants in Pittsburgh and author of There's No Business Like Your Own Business, a six-step guide to success published by Viking. Her website is www.gladysedmunds.com. You can e-mail her at gladys@gladysedmunds.com.