Expert's Advice on How to Stop Bullies

Sept. 2, 2007 — -- Dorothy Espelage is a professor of educational psychology at the University of Illinois whose research focuses on bullying.

Q: How big a problem is bullying in schools today?

On average, about 15 percent of elementary and middle school students perpetrate bullying. About 17 percent are victims [of chronic bullying]. And then we have a smaller group -- about 7 to 8 percent -- that are bully-victims, where they are both aggressors and victims. ... And so it continues to be quite a problem in our schools. What we're finding is that it actually is happening earlier. We're starting to find it as early as pre-school playgroups.

Q: Have the ways in which kids bully one another changed?

The most common [forms] are still name calling and teasing and excluding -- not allowing someone to be in your group. But it's changed with the advent of technology. Kids are now reporting that they're experiencing bullying as victims through instant messaging, chat rooms, MySpace, Facebook and other types of computer-based harassment.

That has certainly intensified [the problem], because it used to be limited to the school building. Now the kids go home, get on the computer -- and what we're finding ... is those kids that are victimized in schools are becoming the perpetrators on the computer at night.

It's all new. And part of the problem is adults -- teachers, parents -- are not necessarily on top of the new technology. And a lot of teachers and administrators feel only the school is their responsibility. However, what they need to recognize is that a conflict that may have started in the school can escalate overnight through a computer, and so the next morning, they'll have a situation that has intensified.

Q: What are the effects of bullying?

There are short-term and long-term consequences, for the mental health of victims.

The short-term effects are sometimes [the victims] don't want to come to school for fear of being bullied. And when they do come to school they don't necessarily feel safe or engaged, so it affects their learning process.

Long term, research is showing that it affects them into adulthood. As you're developing as a child and trying to figure out who you are, if you're being harassed by others and they're saying negative things about you, certainly that has a negative impact on your self-esteem.

Some kids will say, "Okay, they victimized me because I have certain personality flaws, or I look this way, or I'm overweight, or I'm ugly." Everything that [the bullies] say to them, they internalize. Those kids have the worst outcomes. If you blame yourself for your victimization, you're more likely to be depressed or feel ashamed of who you are. Other children are able to look at their aggressor, the bully, and say, "Okay, there's something wrong with you. You're an angry person. Something's happening at home. You're just not nice." They tend to do better. But there are very few kids who, under chronic harassment, can defend themselves and deflect that [criticism]. Very few kids. If you went to school and for 7 or 8 hours you were called names, you would start to think, "Okay, what is it about me?"

Q: Are schools doing enough to stop it?

Thirty-three states already mandate school superintendents and administrators do something -- whether it's a bully policy, whether it's a prevention program. So certainly, there is pressure on schools to develop programs or to go find a program that is effective.

Unfortunately, despite many, many years of [talking about] bullying prevention, we do not have a single program in this country that works to reduce bullying at the same levels that it's being reduced in other countries. One of the most widely used programs is a bullying-prevention program that's been endorsed by the federal government and has not yielded any scientific data. There's no published data saying this program works.

I think what we're trying to do, after 15 years of testing out these prevention programs that are NOT working, is more innovative programming with kids. ... What we're trying to understand is how we can engage the kids in the process of bullying prevention as opposed to just giving them worksheets to fill out.

Q: What should parents do if they think their kids are being bullied?

First, you need to keep an open line of communication. Kids often stop talking about their victimization because they don't want to burden their parents. If your child is being victimized, it doesn't usually just stop. It continues unless there's an intervention of some sort. And so if your child is victimized, and talks about it -- and then stops talking about it -- don't assume that it's over.

Parents need to become much more involved in their children's schools. Those schools that have high parental involvement have less [bullying]. Parents also need to hold the schools accountable for victimization that's happening in school buildings. We do have state mandates. Schools should respond, should have bullying-prevention programs. They should be doing something.

If a child is being chronically victimized, [parents should consider putting] them into some form of individual therapy, to try to minimize the effect of that.

Parents should know computer passwords as much as possible -- they should know where their child goes [on the Internet]. They also should recognize that many kids know how to get around parental controls.

Q: What if a parent fears that their involvement could make the bullying worse?

It's a real fear -- that if parents intervene, there's a potential [the conflict could] escalate. I think that certainly may be the case if there's a school where they're not addressing bullying. But is that a reason for parents not to intervene? I think they need to remember that they're the parents and they have responsibility to take care of their child -- and if that escalates the bullying situation, then that demonstrates that more needs to be done.