My Birth Plan

I am just going to say it…

I didn’t find anything about the birth process beautiful.


The end result was worth it, but labor and delivery is something I would rather have slept through.

I know that is an unpopular statement, but after three births I feel like I have the right to say it.

According to everything I have read, the childbirth classes we attended and the TV shows I have watched, it appears I am in the minority.  Everyone seems to celebrate their baby’s birth with fanfare and a distant relative family reunion in the delivery room.

Not me.

The only detail on my birth plan was to obtain a baby.

I may have been born into the wrong generation.  I applaud the scene of a father waiting in black and white handing out cigars to unsuspecting strangers while his wife’s labor fades to black.  When we return from commercial break, the new mother is aglow dressed in a clean satin gown with full hair and makeup lovingly rocking a 2-month-old baby in her arms.

Those were the days.

This birth rebellion first became apparent at the childbirth class my husband and I attended at the insistence of my OB/GYN.  We didn’t realize that childbirth classes would emphasize natural childbirth with the enthusiasm of a Southern church revival. The fact that we weren’t dancing in the aisles over a drug-free birth had the instructors worried for my impending motherhood credentials.  They were sure that one more video of a screaming naked woman in the throws of birth would convert me.


It may have been my history working as a Physical Therapist in a pain clinic that lead me to the belief that the best pain is the kind that can be avoided.

Bring on the epidural.

During the births of babies one and two, my husband dutifully stood by my side {near my head} while I whined at him to stop eating, drinking and having fun while I was GIVING BIRTH TO HIS CHILD.  By child three, he worked up until a few minutes before the birth which worked out just fine for us.

As he entered the birthing suite, the doctor called for a mirror to place at the end of my feet so I could see what was going on.

No thanks.  I really don’t want to see down there.

You could watch the whole birth!

My husband shook his head and quietly told the doctor, “ We are just here for the baby.

Despite my whining about labor, the miracle of childbirth is an incredible moment.

I’d love to know what went through your mind when you held your baby for the first time?

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This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Million Moms Challenge. The opinions and text are all mine. Contest runs October 17 to November 13, 2011. A random winner will be announced by November 15, 2011.

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