Men After Divorce: In Touch With Feelings

No, they probably haven't, according to Real. "I think we like to think that there's a lot more movement in men than there actually is. Oftentimes, I'll say, 'Would you treat a colleague or a supervisor the way you're treating your wife?'"

The answer, says Real, is no, because they'd get fired. Part of the masculine code, he says, is a sense of entitlement, a sense that men can "go home, rip open our belts, pop open a beer, belch and be loved. And we just don't get away with that anymore."

And thank goodness for that.

Moving Forward

My sense is that the guys in our group, while remaining immune to change for so many years, are no longer in that state. In fact, they said several things that will stay with me.

First, they said if only their wives could see them now — if only they had changed while they were married — then perhaps their unions might have survived.

"I needed to be more attentive and I needed to do more listening, and I needed to pay more attention to my family than all the external success out there," said Bolden.

Second, they have high hopes for future relationships. Changing their ways may have come too late to save their last marriages, but maybe not their next ones. Someday, they said they hope to remarry.

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