Working Wounded Blog: The Trouble With Women at Work

Aug. 23, 2006 — -- Just as it's hard to blame the Democrats for anything that's happened for the last five years (if you look up the word "irrelevant" in the dictionary, don't be surprised if you see the world "democrat" listed as a synonym -- not holding down the Presidency, the Senate, the House of Representatives or the Supreme Court can do that to you) it's also hard to blame women for the mess that work has become.

Let's face it; work is still a patriarchy. OK, I know there are a few men out there who work in a female-managed department or company, but they're the exception and certainly not the rule.

Work is a tree house and the boys are in charge. That said, although women might not be the major part of the problem most of us call work, they do have their issues. I'm not going to go all Oprah on you, but I do want to point out a major challenge facing many women at work. And there's a particular subset that faces this challenge most often.

I call it "divorced women's syndrome," and I've had this conversation with at least 30 women. Going through a divorce a woman learns one thing -- she can't rely on anyone else. It's her life, and her family, and the only person who will be there for her at the end of the day is herself.

Then she goes to work and an interesting thing happens -- she relies only on herself. This is where it gets interesting. If this woman is approached for advice, mentoring or support by a colleague, she will do whatever she can for to help him or her. But when it comes to her asking colleagues for advice, mentoring or support -- no way. It's all about lifting yourself up by your own bra straps (seriously, how many women have boot straps today?). Work, for many women, becomes a solitary activity.

Unfortunately, this runs against the way the work world really works. The workplace is built on favors and on give and take. You do favors for people and they return the favors back to you. The philosophy of not relying or depending on anyone else isolates her from lots of great resources, ideas and efficiencies.