Quiet Please! Dealing With Overly Chatty Airplane Seatmates

April 26, 2006 — -- There's a delicate moment at the beginning of every airline flight, especially when the cabin is full. It's a moment when all the overheads have been stuffed full and somehow closed, the cell phones have been deactivated, the occupants of the aisle and middle seats have stood aside to let the window seat rider in, and everyone has settled down to the task of buckling seat belts and making their nest for the airborne hours ahead.

It's that seminal moment in which you find yourself glancing around to the passenger beside you and making unexpected eye contact -- a split second in which your fellow traveler makes the instinctive choice to either smile back silently or speak.

"Hi."

"Hello. Hey, I think this is your buckle."

"Thanks a lot."

Followed by blessed silence.

But that moment can also trigger one of the worst sins in commercial aviation: the launch of an unwanted verbal soliloquy from the next seat that in some cases can continue unabated for hours, ending only when the cabin door opens at the other end and a frantic escape to uncommunicative bliss can be achieved.

After some 78 years of commercial airline flying, you'd think that someone would have published by now a guide to the fine etiquette of airborne verbal exchanges, highlighting the good, the bad and the crashing bore. But, in fact, few have ever really given it much thought, and what we learned in kindergarten about basic courtesy was probably enough for most of us.

Most of us. For the rest, please read on.

First, even though you may be the world's most interesting conversationalist and an all-around great person, your seatmate may be in no mood to converse, listen or act as a surrogate psychologist to your troubles. How can you discern this? The presence of earplugs is a giveaway, as is a large noise-canceling headset.

If your seatmate has to politely pull out earplugs or yank off a headset three times in a row to respond to your questions, it's a pretty fair bet it would be impolite to keep talking.