Small Business Builder: First Impressions

Aug. 29 -- Maybe she was born with it. Or maybe she read a book about "how to make a great first impression" and suddenly starting smiling toothy smiles whenever she met people … peering into their eyes as if she were looking for retinal abnormalities … upsetting wineglasses in her zeal to be first with the handshake.

"In business, a good first impression is crucial for forging profitable, sustainable, long-term partnerships to help build the business and keep it thriving," affirms author Michael Bucci in 6 Tips on Making a Good First Impression in the Success & Image section of AskMen.com.

No doubt about it — as long as you possess enough genuine interest and courtesy to sustain such relationships.

Why are there thousands of books, articles, seminars and cassette tapes dealing with first impressions? Few of us are born extroverts. Heredity and socialization work against us. We're intuitively wary of new acquaintances, constantly balancing threat and opportunity.

More Than Skin Deep

How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, by Nicholas Boothman, is actually about How to Like Other People. When Boothman recommends adopting a pose or technique — showing that you're receptive by opening your jacket, for example — it's to connect with people, not manipulate them.

Boothman offers reminders rather than rules. Subtly imitating your acquaintance (matching or mirroring gestures and attitude) is really a cue to focus on her instead of on whether you have pumpernickel seeds in your teeth. I once read that in relationships you can choose to be "the observer" or "the observed." When you're the latter, you project your "observer" self onto the other. With your perception thus distorted, he seems stronger and you seem weaker.

You can be assertive and open and still "be yourself," as I learned last week when I tested some of Boothman's ideas.

My first discovery was that I couldn't sustain the getting-acquainted regimen without a crib sheet or cue cards. If I'm busy doing inventory — Smiling? Check. Open body language (heart to heart)? Check. Eye contact? Check — then all I'm communicating is a busy signal.