'Working Wounded': Blaming the Boss

Feb. 18, 2005 — -- DEAR WOUNDED: I am frustrated by the people that I manage. They are always willing to blame the boss for problems, but they never seem to acknowledge how they've contributed to the mess.

ANSWER: Whenever I think of what it is like to be a boss today, I think of the Commodore Hotel. During the Beirut Civil War this was the hotel of choice for journalists. When you checked into the hotel they didn't ask, "Smoking or nonsmoking?" At the Commodore they asked, "Shelling side or sniper side?"

I don't want to make excuses for bad bossing, but employees also need to learn to appreciate the challenges of bossing today. Like the Commodore, it's tough to boss when you're getting sniped by your employees and shelled by your own boss. Below I've listed some questions to help everyone appreciate the challenges of the corner office. For more, check out, "I Wish You Would Just …" by Todd McDonald and Kyndra Wilson (www.WalkTheTalk.com).

Can you do a better job of asking questions when you don't understand? For every boss that gets annoyed when an employee asks a question, there are many more who appreciate them. Sure there will be times when even the most patient boss will bark at your questions, so always be ready to remind them that you are asking the questions so you can do the job the right way.

Do you bring problems you have with the boss TO the boss? Feeding the grapevine with horror stories about your boss may make you feel better, but it won't help your boss to change. That's why it's so important, if you have a good relationship with your boss, to bring your concerns directly to him or her. If you don't, see if you can talk to HR or someone who has the respect of both you and your boss.

Can you take more responsibility? Again, for every micromanager boss there are many more bosses who love to see their people take initiative. Look around your department at the people who are leading projects and in positions of responsibility. Figure out why certain people accumulate responsibility and see if they are doing things that you should be doing.

Are you willing to try new things? Offer to serve on task forces, tackle new projects, etc. Develop the reputation as someone who is open-minded and ready to tackle a new challenge.

Do you thank them for a job well done? Sure your boss has a nicer office, bigger paycheck, etc. But they are still human beings (that said, I'm sure at least a few of you will write to me to challenge the humanity of your boss) and everyone appreciates a pat on the back. As long as you steer clear of sucking up, it makes sense to acknowledge when the boss turns in an outstanding performance.

Use these strategies and you'll turn that civil war into a much more civil place to work.

We'd like to hear your strategy for creating a better working relationship with the people who report to you. I'll give an autographed copy of "Working Wounded: Advice that adds insight to injury" (Warner, 2000) to the best submission. Send your entry, name & address via: http://workingwounded.com or via e-mail: bob@workingwounded.com. Entries must be received by Wednesday (Feb. 23).

Here are the results from a recent workingwounded.com/ABCNEWS.com online ballot:
Have you ever used a mentor or a coach to improve your performance?

Our winning strategy for coaching comes from T.H. in Spokane, Wash.:

"Get to know the coachee -- Do they want to just do a good job? How important is their performance at work to them? Watch the coachee in action for a while -- I look for one thing they can work on which will change more than one outcome. Then I let them know what my observations were, and together we discuss ways they can use that knowledge to get to their goals. Careful goal setting -- Early in the learning curve I don't like to give numeric goals, as people progress through their learning some want those goals. I'm always there to pick them up when they fall -- It's important for your employees to know you're there 'for better and for worse.' They won't want to let you down so you won't often see the 'for worse.' I see other managers in my field who try to push people who aren't ready to be pushed and they resist and then do not thrive."

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Bob Rosner is a best-selling author, speaker and internationally syndicated columnist. His newest best seller, "GRAY MATTERS: The Workplace Survival Guide" (Wiley, 2004), is a business comic book that trades cynicism for solutions. Ask Bob a question: bob@workingwounded.com or http://graymattersbook.com

ABCNEWS.com publishes a new Working Wounded column every Friday.