Mellody's Math: Plan for Divorce

N E W &nbsp Y O R K, Jan. 18 -- Approximately four of every 10 marriages today end in divorce. Women tend to lose financially, and men tend to lose time with their children.

Everyone should keep death and divorce in mind even if married. Here are some ways to protect yourself:

Keep a financial identity separate from your spouse, more specifically, a credit card in your own name. Also make sure you have your own bank account.

Be aware of the household finances and investments. Ignorance will cost you. Look at all the accounts you have, track monthly and annual expenses, insurance costs, and the cost of up-keeping your house. Separate necessary expenses versus cosmetic. You'll know to put money aside in case the furnace explodes and that you may need to repair the driveway every five years.

Consider a comprehensive prenuptial agreement that protects YOU and your pre-marital assets. This is especially important for a second marriage if you want to protect assets for your children.

A pre-nup can be more palatable when tied into estate planning. (Everyone should have a will, powers of attorney and property and it's time to re-name your beneficiary for your IRA and life insurance.) Do not give things up in advance, but make a claim to marital assets in advance. Even if a lot of money is not involved, you should consider this. Remember that you can revisit the prenuptial with a post-nuptial agreement that loosens terms.

Make sure to put away your own IRA each year. Don't make household improvements or spend money on a vacation without having contributed to your IRA.

If you leave work to care for your kids, roll over any IRA and 401(k) money you have into an IRA — don't spend it assuming your spouse's retirement funds will support you.

Maintain your skills. Take computer courses, volunteer, keep yourself marketable should you ever find yourself in a position where you either have to or want to go back to work. Have your own financial advisor and your own lawyer separate from your spouse.