Michael Jackson Kids' New Family: 15 Reasons to Freak

This week -- with a judge's ruling and a pledge from patriarch Joe Jackson -- Michael Jackson's three children have been enveloped by a large, extended, albeit wacky, clan.

"We're going to take care of them, give them the education they're supposed to have. We can do that," Joe Jackson pledged Monday in Encino, Calif., with Rev. Al Sharpton at his side.

The children, accustomed to a sheltered, but global lifestyle, are moving from one weird world to another -- where the bizarre is normal in the Royal Family of Pop.

According to Diane Dimond, the TV journalist who broke the Jackson child molestation story, the Jackson dynasty "put forward this ideal that the family is very close, but they're not."

"It's a historically dysfunctional family," she told ABCNews.com. "That family has been long replete with infighting."

Grandma Katherine, 79, has been granted temporary custody. And Grandpa Joe, 80, accused by his own children of administering brutal beatings, will be the new father by proxy, at least for the time being.

Prince Michael I, Paris Michael Katherine and Prince "Blanket" Michael Jackson II, welcome to your new family:

Your Cousins:

You'll live among a family of nine aunts and uncles, as well as 20 cousins. Oh, and that includes Auntie Joh'Vonnie Jackson, your grandfather's daughter -- now a flight attendant -- from one of his affairs, according to a Fox News report in 2004. [Legal documents show Grandma nearly divorced Grampa Joe twice because of that and other infidelities.]

Your Grandparents

You can wish your grandparents "Happy Anniversary!" They just celebrated 60 years, but they don't live together. Katharine Jackson's primary residence is the Hayvenhurst Home in Encino, Calif.; Joe Jackson lives in Las Vegas, according to ABC sources close to the family.

Granny Screws

Before marriage, Grandma went by the name "Kattie B. Screws," but her father later changed the family name to "Scruse," according to news reports in Alabama, where the family has its roots. But don't pay any attention to that: In 1985, Essence magazine named Grandma Jackson "Mother of the Year."

Jermajesty

The son of Uncle Jermaine, 9-year-old "Jermajesty," was bestowed the name after his brother trumped him by naming his oldest son, Prince Michael, according to ABC sources.

Your Uncles

Uncle Jermaine sired eight children with four women. One is Aunt Hazel, the daughter of famous Motown founder Berry Gordy Jr. Your cousin Dawn has much in common with Blanket: Neither knows who their biological mother is. All that, from his official biography on IMDb.com.

Your Scandal

Uncle Jermaine also slept with Uncle Randy's wife, Alejandra Oaziaza, and had two kids with her, according to family biographers. So that makes Randy Jackson's first three children sisters and brothers -- or maybe cousins. Go figure. And while on the CMT reality show, "Gone Country," he confessed to seeing people "from the 1800s" when the lights are off.

Your Phobias

Don't get any ideas about getting a cat. Aunt LeToya demonstrated her feline phobia in 2007, when she appeared on the reality show "Armed and Famous" by hysterically screaming and locking herself in a squad car. In 1980, she posed nude for Playboy with a snake.

Tito Tales

Uncle Tito Jackson's ex-wife Delores "DeeDee" Martes was murdered by another husband, Los Angeles businessman Donald Bohana, in 1994. According to news reports at the time, she drowned in the pool, but a jury believed otherwise.

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