Like lots of other first-time moms, actress Jenny Mollen worried about not connecting with her baby.
"I was never the girl who yearned for children," Mollen wrote in an op-ed for Cosmopolitan.com. "The truth was, children scared me. I knew that no matter what I did as a parent, I was bound to do some things wrong."
Mollen, who's married to "American Pie" and "Orange is the New Black" star Jason Biggs, even joked that she didn't know if she'd even love her baby more than her dogs.
"I was due on February 4. On February 14 I was still pregnant and starting to believe I'd just stay pregnant forever," she said.
Seconds after she joked with Biggs that he'd have to love her with this "new body" forever, her water broke on Valentine's Day.
"Jason called our doctor as I sat on the toilet regretting using all my pregnancy books as nightstand coasters," she explained. "I guess I should have prepared myself better, but those books made me feel like I was studying for the SAT. I just figured I'd walk into the hospital, pick D (all of the above), and a baby would appear."
When Mollen and Biggs got to the hospital and were greeted by her doctor and doula, she was confronted by another question -- should she get drugs during labor?
"I wasn't opposed to drugs, except when I was watching that Ricki Lake documentary three months earlier, feeling safe and pain-free in the privacy of my own home. Now, with what felt like a thousand teeth clenching down on my uterus, drugs seemed like a great option," she said.
She added: "When finally, my ego was beat into submission and I asked for 'the works.'"
After her cervix never dilated, and "Jason claims I pooped myself twice," Mollen said a C-section was performed.
Now, minutes away from meeting her son, Mollen began questioning again if he would like her.
"Would he approve of me? Would he ever find a picture of me from middle school with super thin eyebrows?" she asked. "I worried that I hadn't done enough with my life, that I wasn't equipped to be the kind of mother he needed."
Before she knew it, she saw "a pronounced nose, chubby cheeks, and a dark black toupee on [her son's] head."
"A few minutes later, a nurse walked back over and placed my newborn son on my chest," she said. "My heart heaved with emotion as I looked into his dark blue eyes. I wanted to laugh, sob, and throw up all over myself ... I didn't recognize myself. I was instantly and completely transformed."