The erstwhile Brenda Walsh has a mission: to turn you into a badass.
That's assuming that you are a sniveling, self-loathing excuse of a woman, someone who probably wouldn't resonate with the actress who played the biggest, uh, other thing that starts with a "b" on "Beverly Hills, 90210" during the 1990s. But that's not exactly a concern of Shannen Doherty's. Laying out the laws of no-holds-barred existence is, and that's what she does in her newly released memoir/scrapbook/self-help tome, "Badass."
Doherty fans, pick this thing up: beyond the actress' tidbits of advice, there's a feast of personal photos that chronicle her journey from Tennessee tyke to TV star to Hollywood hostess. In addition, the 256-page opus includes recipes (Doherty claims to make a perfect roast chicken), handy charts, (how to tell if you're a badass or a b***h) and lots of rip-out-able, post-on-your-mirror pages with messages to amp up the attitude of even the most meek of specimens ("Badasses aren't born ... they become").
"Badass" also contains plenty of quips that, at times, might seem more appropriate coming out of the mouth of Kenny Powers or Tracy Morgan than a '90s teen queen. Ruminate on 10 of Doherty's most quotable nuggets of advice, below:
(Note: considering the title of Doherty's book, if you're offended by risque language, you probably don't want to read on.)
1. On maintaining a badass level of self confidence: "Have you ever watched a baby crawl around and explore the world? They're totally unreserved and lack self-consciousness. They're not thinking, 'Oh, no, I can't wear this onesie because it makes me look fat.'"
2. On how to score a badass-worthy boyfriend: "Test them. Be frumpy -- go without wearing makeup. Be late. Make them drive through the worst traffic to get to an event that you miss because you forgot the address or left your iPhone at home."
3. On avoiding hangers-on like a badass: "Imagine that you're a bird, and you're flying along, and then somebody totally lassoes you and ties you to the ground. You're flapping your friggin' wings, but you can't fly because they've got that rope holding you down. That's what cling-ons do to you -- they just ultimately hold you back from being yourself."
4. On solving family drama like a badass: "So what can you do if, say, your sister married the most annoying person on earth or your cousin's husband tells the same terribly tasteless joke every holiday? Nothing. That's right, I said nothing. These people are not your problem, and you're better off keeping your piehole shut if it means you get to enjoy your time with your siblings and family."
5. On the badass way to utilize research: "If you're in the middle of an argument and you are at a loss for words, you can always disarm the other party and give yourself more time to dream up the right comeback or decision by saying to them, 'You know what? I'd like to research that a little bit. So let me get back to you on that.' I use this technique all the time. I keep a post-it next to my phone that reads: 'Research!'"