Showbiz Commentary: Top 10 for 2002

Jan. 9 -- First things first, Happy New Year one and all!

Now that the niceties are out of the way, let's turn our attention to the horrific reality television that is soon to come our way.

I was certain that The Anna Nicole Show was the bottom of the proverbial barrel. How long can you listen to someone discuss passing waste after an eating contest or watch a dog hump a stuffed animal?

I was wrong.

It seems when it comes to reality television, the barrel has a bottom that supercedes the depths of digging to China. Joe Millionaire: Rich Man, Poor Man

You may think I'm talking about Joe Millionaire, wherein a hunkadelic, rich (but really not rich … but maybe rich after all) guy who woos ladies interested in his bulging pectorals and his assumed LOOTious maximus.

This doesn't bother me. It's a ratings phenomenon. Does this mean it's quality programming? Hell no! It means women (and I'm guessing the audience is primarily women) still fantasize about the good-looking prince on the white horse who can whisk them away to their dream world.

The twist with Joe, aka Evan Marriott, is that he's allegedly broke and the gals don't know. Then, the ladies have to reassess, and to put it bluntly, they must ask themselves, "Is love stronger than cash?"

But rumors are already flying that it's more than just a coincidence that Mr. Marriott's name is synonymous with an international resort empire. Maybe Joe is a millionaire after all.

True or not, what does it matter to me? If I'm not seeing the cash or getting a piece o' Joe (like a cup o' Joe, only more filling), then what difference does it make either way? So, we'll see …

More unimportantly, here's what else we'll see in reality TV. Here's a look at three shows in development at Fox.

Man vs. Beast: The Island of Dr. Moronic

Your initial reaction to Man vs. Beast may be this, "Gee, are Harrison Ford and Marilyn Manson going to go at it?" However, when they say "beast," they really mean beast.

Producers of this piece of brain poop pit dwarves against elephants in a struggle to drag an airplane across a field. In another segment, hotdog eating champion Takeru Kobayashi tries to scoff down more food than a half-ton Kodiak bear. (Big whoop! I can do this during that time of the month!)