Showbiz Commentary: Heidi Oringer

April 18 — -- This is how it was going to play out: I would come into work like any other day, but this day would be strictly to goof off until the big moment.

It was to start with a stroll to the cafeteria for a coffee around 10, vacation searches on the net for a few hours, then the BIG daily meeting where I'd have my fun.

When it was my turn to give a rundown of my department's goings on, I'd clear my throat and say in a very professional manner, "We're covering the MTV Icon Awards. Look for ack (taped actuality) of Steven Tyler. We've also got a one-on-one with N' Sync's Joey Fatone discussing his new charity project, then (and the tone changes from professional to smart-ass) we're all going out to the local watering hole to get blasted cause it's too freakin' hot to sit in here with you stuffy yutzes. And by the way, I'll be charging the drinks to the company Am Ex and anyone who has a problem with that can kiss my 96-degree soaked armpits."

If I managed to get all that out without wetting myself, my boss would slam the table and exclaim, "Excuse me!" while the other managers stared in disbelief. But I'd continue, "And one more thing. I'm taking the rest of the month off. No, to hell with it … I'm taking the rest of the year off and I'm giving my staff the rest of the year off too … with pay."

It's at this point that I'd pull the little white piece of paper out of my pocket, get up on the conference table and sing, "I've got the golden ticket. I've got the golden ticket."

But none of that happened because I didn't win the $325 million lottery. Those Frozen Chicken, Chocolate Sundae, Ex-boyfriend Blues

So, it was work as usual, then home for a five-minute discussion with the neighbors on the unusual record heat in the Northeast. Then, dinner … some quasi, low caloric frozen box of rust-like colors the manufacturer decided to call chicken. And finally, television, which is either new mid-season replacements that weren't good enough to make it to the fall line up or reruns of shows I like, minus the element of surprise.