Excerpt: 'The Secret of Play'

From Ann Pleshette Murphy, the former editor in chief of Parents magazine, comes a parenting book that indulges in all things fun, curious and inspiring about child's play.

Based on the latest research in brain development, social-emotional growth and learning, "The Secret of Play" explains the value of play at every age and every stage of child development. Parents can learn which toys, games and activities are developmentally appropriate so they can help their kids do what they do best -- play.

Three-Year-Olds

The Magic Year
If the first three years of a child's life are often called "the wonder years," then this fourth year should be dubbed "the magic year." Yes, there's something charming about every age, but 3-year-olds greet each day with a breathless, wide-eyed attitude that seems to say, "Today is going to be a fantastic adventure!" Whether they're opening their toy box or the refrigerator, rushing over to show you a drawing, or lathering their hair with shampoo, they do so with a flourish—as if every gesture deserves a drum roll, every accomplishment a round of applause.

Watching your child this year, you'll be awed (and perhaps envious) of her limitless energy and enthusiasm. A ladybug holds her spellbound; a scarf transforms her into a glamorous sorceress; and the concoction she whips up out of mud, sticks, and a few blades of grass is almost good enough to eat. To a 3-year-old there aren't enough hours in the day (one reason why she may suddenly resist bedtime) and her spongelike mind makes her eager to absorb as much as she can from dawn till dusk.

Your child assumes that you share her sense of wonderment—and she never tires of exploring and explaining and asking about the world around her. She doesn't realize that you had a long day at the office or forgot to pick up the dry cleaning; all she knows is that she's an adventurer and you're her partner, teacher, coach, and playmate. Lucky for you, 3-year-old energy is infectious, and you'll probably discover that joining her play is a great stress-buster.

Your preschooler now has the developmental skill and self-control to enjoy playing with other children and to sustain relationships with a growing circle of friends. Her physical abilities, such as increased coordination, balance, and strength coupled with advanced fine motor skills, add to the array of games and activities she and her peers enjoy.

Your child's budding imagination catalyzes an explosion in her creative play: Her artwork is suddenly more detailed; her block towers, more intricate; her pretend worlds, more complex. She'll go from reality to make-believe lands so seamlessly and with such gusto that you'll swear she really inhabits that castle, fairyland, or deep dark forest. Her insatiable curiosity will inspire a litany of questions that run the gamut from the creative ("Why is the moon a croissant tonight?") to the concrete ("Why do we have hair?"), but at times her wild imagination and intense curiosity may invite new fears and phobias—especially when it's "lights out."

Learning Play: Imagine that!

What you'll notice
Have a pen and notebook handy because you'll want to record as many of the amazing things your child makes up this year as possible. When he was 2, props often stimulated his pretend play: He would "cook" food in his pint-size kitchen or power his trucks over a mountain in the park. This year, he takes the next step and doesn't just use these objects for their intended use; he transforms them. Now, his kitchen is a place where a witch brews up poison and the stroller may be the display stand for fruit in his imaginary grocery store. And at times, he may not even need toys to play with since the worlds he can whip up in his mind are rich enough.

Because of this ability to "write" more elaborate stories and his longer focus and attention span, the way your child plays by himself shifts dramatically. He can sit for long periods of time, deeply engrossed in a fantasy world with his cast of plastic or wooden figures, jabbering away as he brings them to life under a chair in his room. Or he becomes the leading man in stories of his own creation. When your 3-year-old does this, he is not just pretending to be that superhero, he is that superhero. One look at his face and you'll see that he could just as easily be scaling tall buildings as he could be in your backyard. Try not to interrupt: These worlds are quite private and if he senses you peering over his shoulder, he may stop playing.

On the other hand, he may introduce you to a new friend—one only he can see and hear. An estimated 65 percent of kids in this age group have imaginary pals, often with names and detailed profiles. In addition to providing comfort, imaginary playmates are convenient scapegoats for spilled milk or crayon marks on the wall: "Buzzy did it—not me!"

Why it's happening
Imaginary play is more than fun and games. It's a sign of your child's more advanced and adult-like thinking skills. Last year, he simply imitated actions that he had observed, such as feeding a baby or stacking blocks. This year, he moves on to what's called symbolic thinking where he can use one thing to represent another. For example, he pretends a wooden block is the toast he's making in his pretend kitchen or a tissue box is a cash register in his fantasy store. Also, as a 3-year-old, he better remembers things he saw or experienced in the past and uses this real-world information as inspiration in his pretend one. His improved concentration means he can take part in a longer sequence of events (rather than repeating the same action over and over as he did last year) and his advanced language skills give him the words to create more detailed worlds both in his head and out loud.