Terry Real Answers Your Questions About Cheating and Marriage


Well frankly, I was an idiot and messed around with another woman back in April. My wife found out about it on the first day of our trip to Italy in May (her dream vacation) and I ruined it for her. She just moved out of the house we bought one year ago and now she lives in an apartment and we are hanging by a thread to say the least. I never stopped loving my wife but thought I may have loved the other at the time. So many twists and turns to this story; it's easier to tell in person. Anyway, we have been together for about six years and married for almost three. Oct. 27 makes our 3-year anniversary. (This one isn't going to be kind to our hearts I fear.) She wants to divorce or says she does but I know she has doubts and we have been in limbo for months now. I have never been more in love with my wife and we are in a bind. Serious pickle indeed.

Real answers:


BEG, bribe, implore your wife to attend one session with a good couple's therapist. And then be sure to find a good one - you may only have one shot. A list of therapists trained in my model can be found on my website. Good luck!

Kim writes:

I cheated on my spouse and ... was just looking to talk with anybody. My husband and I split but he does (not) think he was any part of the problem. Why does the spouse who was cheated on feel they have not contributed to the problem?

Real answers:


A great many people would see the egregiousness of an affair as trumping whatever the issues were that lead up to it - others would be willing to look at their part in what might not have been a great marriage. When you have an affair you take your chances.

Monica writes:

I have been with my boyfriend for six years. We have been to counseling for over two years together. He has cheated multiple times. There were times he actually did the act and other cheating was done through e-mail. My question is: are there any tools that can truly help us? I have invested many years into this relationship and want it to work more than anything. Much of his cheating has revolved around drinking but now that he is sober I am hoping things will improve. I am a great girlfriend, have been loving supportive, caring etc. I need to know how to I begin to trust again, isn't that something he has to earn back and how? Please help me I do not want to invest another six years for nothing. Thanks, Monica.

Real answers:


You speak in the present about your boyfriend's cheating and drinking. If you've been in therapy for two years and this is still going on, I'd say things don't look great. His cheating on you multiple times isn't a great sign either.

Kathy writes:

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