Supernanny's Tips on Dealing With Baby's First Year
Jo Frost tackles baby proofing and work-life balance in her new book.
May 14, 2008 — -- Supernanny Jo Frost has helped countless families deal with out-of-control kids and get their lives back on track. Now, the child-care provider has written a new book to help parents get through the obstacles in baby's first year.
In "Jo Frost's Confident Baby Care: What You Need to Know for the First Year From America's Most Trusted Nanny," Frost uses humor and empathy to give practical information and emotional support to mothers and fathers.
The book gives advice on baby proofing the home; setting up routines for infants; and even dealing with premature and multiple births.
Read an excerpt of Frost's baby guide below.
Congratulations! You're about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime?having a baby. To consciously raise a fine, well-adjusted child is the most serious commitment you will ever make in your life. You're about to bring forth new life?or, in some cases, new lives?and nurture a tiny being as he or she grows. But what makes this so exciting is that this isn't just the birth of your child, it is the birth of your family in this particular configuration. And, if this is your first, it's also the birth of you as a parent. Wow!
Recently I was with friends as they brought their newborn home from the hospital and was reminded again that all the planning in the world can't prepare you for the emotion and energy that your newborn will bring. Nothing can make you fully understand the feeling of holding your baby in your arms. You'll be experiencing this fabulous feeling for yourself very soon.
Naturally, however, you want to be prepared to be the best parent. So it's important to be as savvy as you can and read about how to make things go as smoothly as possible. That's why I've written this book?to give you the information you need to be the best parent you want to be. Keep it by your bedside so you can flip to it anytime you need as you go through your baby's first year, ready to help with any questions or concerns you might have. Think of it as your very own live-in me.
I've also written it for another important reason. No matter how many children you have, remember that this newborn is a miracle. That's where the saying "bundle of joy" comes from. It's kind of funny listening to people talk about babies. Over the years, I've noticed a lot of negativity about newborns?things like "Congratulations, you're not going to sleep for years"?and lots of advice about how to cope. Cope means you're in a situation that's a strain already.My approach to baby care isn't about coping or dealing with strain. It's about helping you have the confidence to raise your baby in a healthy and content way. It's also about learning just who your baby is. For he has his own soul. Her own spirit. Your baby is a present, a gift of life itself, which will unfold and develop before your very own eyes.
While I've never had a baby, over the last seventeen years I've been with lots of families as they have brought their newborns home, and I know what a joyful, one-of-a kind experience the first year can be when you've got the right attitudes, understanding, and equipment. Throughout my years as a nanny, I've had professors, psychologists, and pediatricians tell me that what they've studied for forty years, I've grasped "in the field." That's what I'll be sharing with you?my secrets from years of experience for making your baby's first year the wonder-filled celebration it was meant to be.
That's not to say you won't feel the rough as well as the smooth. There are going to be times when you feel exhausted or cranky, overwhelmed or worried. If I didn't say that, I wouldn't be honest with you. But that's all part of becoming a proud parent. Weathering the trials and tribulations along the way is how you learn. This book will help you iron out the wrinkles so that those moments are in the minority. Your baby, intuition, and I will be your guide. One thing to note?throughout this book, I alternate referring to a baby as he and she, as a way of acknowledging that there are both boys and girls.
Babies grow quickly and their needs change dramatically over the first year. That's why, after the initial chapters on getting prepared, I've broken most of the book into three-month sections. In each chapter, there's a section on:
Development: the physical, mental, and social growth your baby will be going through over the year
Babyproofing: what you need to do to assure your little one's safety
Setting Firm Ground: routines, sleeping through the night, dealing with crying
Feeding: all the how-to's, including establishing a feeding routine
Parentcraft: dressing, bathing, diapering, burping, etc.
Stimulation and Explorations: activities to help with mental, physical, and emotional development
Please understand that while the book is divided into 0?3 months, 3?6 months, 6?9 months, and 9?12 months, a baby is a living, breathing human being who grows and develops every day. So there aren't artificial cutoff points between one day and the next. What that means, for instance, is that as your baby turns three months old, you'll want to read up on the 3?6 month section, knowing that she is going at her own pace. I've also included a section for parents of babies in exceptional circumstances: multiples, preemies and other special needs, and adopted babies in which I discuss how you might need or want to modify my advice in other chapters to take your circumstances into account.
I'm a realist. Instead of just saying things like, "don't heat bottles in the microwave," or "don't use talcum powder," you'll be hearing the whys and the wherefores so that you can make the wisest choices possible. And when I feel something is absolutely crucial to do my way, you'll learn that too.
Since the journey is as much about you as your baby, each section also includes a chapter on your journey as a parent, for that will change too as you grow and develop. The first year is the time to create an all-important bond with your baby and set the foundation for positive parent-child interactions that will keep you from having behavior problems later. As parents, you'll learn to think on your feet, multitask, adapt to new challenges, and problem solve in a heartbeat. At any given moment, you'll be entertainer, teacher, nurse, bodyguard.
Because babies sense our feelings and experience them, one of the greatest gifts you can give your newborn is a sense of confidence in yourself. It's my hope that this book will give you the information and support you need in order to relax and trust yourself more and more.Over the first year, you will come to love and grow with your child, who will be part of your life forever. May you treasure this precious time and your precious one who is coming into your life.
"Before Baby's Born" Chapter 1
Whether this is your first or your fifth, when you have a baby, you're about to go on an emotional journey that is as unique as the two of you and this child. As any parent of more than one will tell you, no two babies are alike, and no two first years are alike for you or your baby. You may be full of intense feelings of love, or it may take time to bond with your newborn. You may get postnatal depression, or sail right through the hormone changes. You may feel exhausted and overwhelmed, or calm and joyful. Or all of the above on any given day. When you speak to other parents, and they say things like, "you'll never have sex again," "your house will be a mess," understand that they're talking about their own experiences. So try not to let others' expectations get in your way. Allow your experience to be just what it is. Unique.
Then compare your two lists and ask yourselves, how are we going to get the results we want?Do this exercise before going to the next chapter. Because the clearer you can be about what's important to you, the easier it will be to make the decisions you need to make before your baby's birth. Your answers will help you think about the important choices we'll explore in the next chapter.
One thing you need to understand is that each of you is going to have a unique parenting style. You create a fashion style by combining different pieces together to give you individuality. Similarly, how you approach these elements in the book is what will give you your own unique parenting style. Your approach may be less concerned, for instance, around babyproofing with toilet lid locks than other parents, because you understand your baby's nature and know where you need to be very assertive when it comes to safety. Your particular choices make up your style.
While each of you is going to have a unique style, it's important to come together and compromise about key issues. Otherwise, it can end up that one parent feels undermined.
So talk about your parenting philosophies. What about discipline? Character building?raising a child who is moral and socially responsible? How will you come together? What happens when you disagree? Are you both willing to enforce routines? While a lot of issues won't arise until the second year and you can't know all of this in advance, it's important to create as much of a sound foundation of agreement as possible right at the start. You're going to read my advice, but ultimately you will need to decide what to do. And it's best if you're in general agreement for everyone's sake.
This doesn't mean you're going to have one conversation and be done. You'll need to be checking in with one another as you go along and different situations arise. But right now, before the baby's born, I want you to really communicate with one another, to get on the same page from the beginning.
These conversations may raise issues from your own upbringing. What do you want to carry into your family's life and what do you want to leave behind? A lot of the behavior stuff that I dealt with families about is a result of unexamined things they bring from their own childhood. As a result, they begin to question their upbringing. But they already have children of their own.I want you to start looking at these things before you have the baby. So you can go into this experience with a level of maturity and awareness. So that you do things because you know they're right, not just because as a parent yourself, you can.
Of course you can't know in advance all of what will be triggered from your own past. But the more you're aware, the better choices you'll make. That's why it's so important that you challenge yourselves to ask one another those tough questions. Because you've made a decision to raise a child together in a complex society where there are all sorts of conflicting advice. The challenge is for you to continue making conscious decisions together. Because this is not just about having a baby. This is a responsibility and a commitment for life that you have to stand up and be counted for. I know you can do it because you want to. Otherwise you wouldn't be reading this book.
From JO FROST'S CONFIDENT BABY CARE by Jo Frost. Copyright (c) 2008 Jo Frost. Published by Hyperion. Available wherever books are sold. All Rights Reserved.
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