Someone is looking at me. Through the dark nothingness, the night is eerily quiet, but I feel someone out in the blackberry bushes. Something is there, I can tell. The distinct feeling will not let go. I hear it! An animal snorts and I hear a crunch of the shrubbery. I freeze. I see a dark image move slowly, tentatively just outside the windshield. Oh, God! What is it? The rotten-egg smell permeates the night air and I have no way to clean myself and get rid of it, as I have always done with anything and everything in my life that was not clean, and I realize that the creature is not just attracted to the bushes but to the rotting-carcass smells imprisoned within my vehicle. The dark shadow grows closer, larger. Suddenly I can see the glint of an eye as the furry body sniffs back and forth. "Help!" I scream. "Get away from me!" Everything in my body hurts as I flail my right arm and try to bang on the console, the dashboard, the windshield. The bulk of the creature fades away. What was it? Oh, God, I'm scared. Please, God, deliver me from this darkness…
Tom felt restless. Too many feelings of hate, dread and grief welled up inside him. It turned the flavor of every food to ash. Though it was late at night and he was exhausted, he couldn't sleep. Tom stepped outside and walked down the street. His head rang with thoughts of vengeance when he thought about whoever had harmed Tanya. His vision focused on a blank face, its features absent. Tom was consumed with the need to know: What had happened to his wife?
I open my eyes and see a butterfly dancing on a blackberry bush somewhere near me. It flits around and in and out, here and there. I try to watch it because I like it. I think it comes inside my room and I raise my fingers toward it, but it flutters away. I look at my hand, and see that my fingers are puffy and swollen. Have I gotten fat? I don't care. My cheek itches. I would like to scratch my cheek but I don't bother. Instead, I close my eyes again so I don't have to look at the world spinning by me.
With my eyes closed, I think about swallowing but something tells me I shouldn't even try. But I think about my mouth. I have a weird taste in my mouth that makes me think maybe I licked some foil or a metal pan. I think that's crazy. "Strange," I said, maybe aloud. I think maybe I did actually say it because I smell something new, something very foul. I feel embarrassed. I think maybe it's my breath that stinks so badly.
Sometimes, I still feel my heart flutter so I think I am still alive. But I am tired—so tired. It is easier to keep my eyes closed and just rest. I can't even move, but I am so afraid of the animals, the darkness, the noises. I have been here for a long time. So long. I don't have any idea. Maybe it has been a few hours. It may even have been a few days. I don't know anything.
I talk to God. I tell God that I am sorry for anything bad I might have done, but I can't really remember things like that right now. I tell God that I hope I see Tom again, so I can tell him I love him. "God," I say inside my head, "I do really love Tom, you know." God tells me He knows.